Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Mom's death. I thought about going to the cemetery today, but I didn't. It just didn't seem like something I wanted to do. I mean, what would I do there? Stand by my parents' grave and my brother's grave and cry on this bitter cold day? I can do that just fine here and stay warm. Really, there's more of my mother right here in my living room... Read more →

Gnashing Of Teeth

Well, I'm a little under the weather. I've had this weird ache in my head -- it feels like someone pinching the bridge of my nose. I suspect that I ground my teeth to a fare-thee-well last night. I know why, too. It was because I had a pretty vivid dream. Do you ever have "theme" dreams? I mean, dreams that might differ in the details but have the same general feeling or progression? I... Read more →

'Tis The Season

Once again it's Holidailies time! It's a sure sign of the season, along with twinkling Christmas lights, frosty weather, and sinus problems. This will be the first Christmas without Mom, and it is making me sadder than I thought it would. I can't read any of my "Mother" entries without tearing up or downright crying, so I don't read them anymore. Instead I focus on little things that make me happy: twinkling Christmas lights, the... Read more →

Thirty Days of Truth 3

Day 3 of the Thirty Days of Truth: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For. My Pop died in 1991. My Mom died last January. I have to forgive myself for not being with them when they died. Pop died sometime in the night, so who could expect anyone to be there? Still, I hadn't visited him in the nursing home for a week or maybe more. Alone in a nursing home in the middle... Read more →

Straight Into My Heart

I was walking into the parking garage when I saw them: a tiny, frail old lady leaning on her walker, inching her way down the sidewalk, and her daughter, middle-aged woman keeping pace, encouraging her mom. I had to bite my lip because... well, that was Mom and I, not so long ago. But the lip biting only made the tears fall out of my eyes as I passed them, passed them quickly because who... Read more →

Is This Kinda Icky?

So I get home from work today and there's a wee package waiting for me on the stoop. I haven't ordered anything recently, so of course I immediately decided it was a check for a million dollars from an unknown benefactor. I couldn't have been more wrong. I picked up the envelope and saw that it was from The Washington Post. Maybe I'd won some sort of prize! Again, no. Inside was a plaque of... Read more →

Bye, El

Ellie was SonnyeBoy's daycare provider. She took care of him from the time he was two months old until he was 14, so I could work. She was his third grandma and raised him just as much as I did, yet she always made me feel that I was his mother and that no one could replace us, his parents. She was a tiny lady, under 5 feet tall, but her heart was huge. She... Read more →

That Number Is Unlisted Now

Joe and I got new phones this week, the snazzy Palm Pre Plus, our very first smartphones. Although the phones were free (Woo!), the mandatory data plan will increase our phone bill by a fat chunk o' change each month. Therefore, I have resolved to use lots and lots of unlimited data so that I get my money's worth. Look out, YouTube! Anyway, we did run into a couple of snags, the most notable being... Read more →

No Respect For The Dead

We buried my mother on January 28th. This evening I went to the cemetery and saw my mother's grave. On Monday, I heard from my brother that the gravesite was a wreck, but I had to see for myself. This is what I saw. See those wire things on the left? Flower stands, still there even though the wreaths have long since gone, stuck into my mother's and father's grave. See that slab of plywood... Read more →

I Guess I Just Miss Her

Joe had to work today so I stayed home. I didn't have anything in particular to do, so I watched a movie, made the bed, put a new battery in the clock, watched some more TV, made a late lunch, got and sorted through the mail, watched some more TV, noodled around on the computer. It's so weird to have nothing to do on a Saturday. For years, literally years and years, my Saturdays were... Read more →