Once or twice a week Joe works a late shift, which gives me a chance to watch all of the weirdo reality shows that both fascinate and repel me. I catch up on the toddlers in tiaras, I watch bars being rescued, and I listen to ladies say yes to the dress. Right now I'm watching "Taboo", which is featuring segments on female bodybuilders, a woman who has undergone pretty extreme tattooing and piercing and... Read more →
It's raining today. Not a big thunderstorm or a brief shower, but a steady, gray rain -- sometimes light, sometimes heavier -- but always rain, soaking everything. It seems right, after yesterday's tragedy. It would be wrong, somehow, to have a bright, sunshiney day today. The police have defused the first tripwire in the shooter's booby trapped apartment. The living mourn their dead; the wounded begin to heal, if they can, both physically and psychically.... Read more →
This afternoon I took a nap in front of the TV set. The PBS series Moguls and Movie Stars was on. I had one of my surreal dreams - I know, all dreams are surreal. In the dream, I was watching the exact episode of Moguls and Movie Stars that was on. Now that's not so inexplicable; my brain simply transferred what my ears were already hearing into the dream. Anyway, I was sitting on... Read more →
I had to do Mom's final tax return last month, which meant that I had to root around in the records a little bit. I found her wallet in the blue steel records box and went through it to ensure that there wasn't anything else that I needed to take care of. (I suppose it's time to throw it out, but I can't quite do that yet.) At any rate, I found her stash of... Read more →
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Mom's death. I thought about going to the cemetery today, but I didn't. It just didn't seem like something I wanted to do. I mean, what would I do there? Stand by my parents' grave and my brother's grave and cry on this bitter cold day? I can do that just fine here and stay warm. Really, there's more of my mother right here in my living room... Read more →
Well, I'm a little under the weather. I've had this weird ache in my head -- it feels like someone pinching the bridge of my nose. I suspect that I ground my teeth to a fare-thee-well last night. I know why, too. It was because I had a pretty vivid dream. Do you ever have "theme" dreams? I mean, dreams that might differ in the details but have the same general feeling or progression? I... Read more →
Once again it's Holidailies time! It's a sure sign of the season, along with twinkling Christmas lights, frosty weather, and sinus problems. This will be the first Christmas without Mom, and it is making me sadder than I thought it would. I can't read any of my "Mother" entries without tearing up or downright crying, so I don't read them anymore. Instead I focus on little things that make me happy: twinkling Christmas lights, the... Read more →
Day 3 of the Thirty Days of Truth: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For. My Pop died in 1991. My Mom died last January. I have to forgive myself for not being with them when they died. Pop died sometime in the night, so who could expect anyone to be there? Still, I hadn't visited him in the nursing home for a week or maybe more. Alone in a nursing home in the middle... Read more →
I was walking into the parking garage when I saw them: a tiny, frail old lady leaning on her walker, inching her way down the sidewalk, and her daughter, middle-aged woman keeping pace, encouraging her mom. I had to bite my lip because... well, that was Mom and I, not so long ago. But the lip biting only made the tears fall out of my eyes as I passed them, passed them quickly because who... Read more →
So I get home from work today and there's a wee package waiting for me on the stoop. I haven't ordered anything recently, so of course I immediately decided it was a check for a million dollars from an unknown benefactor. I couldn't have been more wrong. I picked up the envelope and saw that it was from The Washington Post. Maybe I'd won some sort of prize! Again, no. Inside was a plaque of... Read more →