Cartoons with The Mads

If you're a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, you probably know who The Mads are. If not, here's a brief introduction.

The Mads are Frank Coniff and Trace Beaulieu; they played the mad scientists TV's Frank and Dr. Clayton Forester.

They're still at it, courtesy of an online show hosted by Dumb Industries called The Mads Are Back. Each month (or almost each month), Frank and Trace riff on horrible movies, making them even more hilariously bad than they actually are.

Last night they did A Night of Toons, where they riffed on weird and wonderful cartoons. And by "weird and wonderful," I mean cartoons that make me wonder why I stopped dropping acid with different kinds of animation, different purposes, and different storylines. The only thing they had in common was weirdness.

The toons included:

• The Shadowmen, a superhero named Johnny Cypher saves the town from the Shadowmen, a group of spooky space invaders who turn normal folks into more Shadowmen by making them wear a special belt. The animation was kind of low-rent He-Man quality.
• A low-quality claymation commercial for Camel cigarettes!  Joe Camel looked like he'd been ridden hard and put away wet, but the heroine enjoyed her cigs.
• Tom Thumb in King Arthur's Court, about how tiny Tom Thumb left home to become a knight of the round table. He meets up with a villain, who tries unsuccessfully to kidnap him, but he escapes and gets to Camelot safely. King Arthur adopts him and says he can become a knight. He has a thimble for a helmet, a button for a shield, a needle for a sword, and a mouse for a trusty steed. Of course, he ends up fighting and defeating the villain, and King Arthur knights him as Sir Tom Thumb!
• Accident Prevention on Board Ship is an instructional cartoon that started out showing dangers of carelessness in the home but then morphed into a cartoon about careless sailors on board a ship. Each careless sailor died as a result of their carelessness, turning from a regular cartoon into an outline that rose into heaven.
• The Interesting Guest is a claymation cartoon about a magician who performs a magic trick for a family. He has a curly mustache and a huge turban. He shows off an empty cylinder, then makes an egg appear. He puts his hanky over his top hat and waves his wand. The cylinder is now empty! The hat now contains the egg AND THE MAGICIAN! The audience gives him a standing ovation. Brought to you by Philips Television, from some reason.
• A Man's Nightmare is another claymation cartoon brought to you by Philips. Our hero is dreaming about being on a pirate ship, where the barber pirate is shaving another pirate. Alas, he's not a very good barber, because he lops off the pirate's head! Now it's our hero's turn; he's understandably nervous. Thank goodness he wakes up! He reaches for his Philips electric razor for a safe, close shave.
• Farmer Al Falfa's Ape Girl, a 1932 pre-code cartoon. This one... oh my, this one! This one had beautiful animation! It was really... wow. I can't even describe it. Let's see... the ape girl wears a bra top, micro-mini skirt, and no panties. There's a dinosaur that wears pants, lots of various apes and monkeys, a fish who gets spanked, and... so much more. Here, just watch it for yourself. This one's my favorite.
• Philips Light Show, another Philips cartoon, this one for light bulbs. This is my second favorite. It's about a theater variety show, except the audience and performers are lightbulbs. Damn good animation and just very... trippy. There's no other word to describe it.
• And finally, Christmas Cartoon! This one starts out as live action, where it's Christmas, but there are no presents under the tree! The two kids are understandably upset, but Dad sets up the screen and has them watch this cartoon about Toyland, and when it's over, presents!

So, so great!