The Packening
Life, the Universe, and Everything: The Anniversary

Two Things That Illustrate How My Mind Works

The following two things happened to me today. They both occurred within 10 minutes. I might have been hungry; I don't know. Anyway.

First, I read a company announcement about the special COVID-19 absentee policy on the HR site. I was reading along when this parenthetical phrase hit me:

(for example, an employee that has been instructed to stay home at the explicit direction of their medical provider because the employee has a history of respiratory illnesses that may be exasperated if that employee were to have COVID-19)

And all I could think about was a group of impatient lung diseases like Pneumonia, Bronchitis, and Common Cold sitting around complaining - "The NERVE of that COVID! Waltzing into our lungs and making themself at home!"

I kind of don't want to tell the HR folks that they probably mean exacerbated.

Second, I was reading an entry in David Sedaris's A Carnival of Snackery where he's talking about a huge turtle in a reptile store. A sign on the turtle tank read "WATCH ME ENGULF A SHINER." (A shiner is a tiny fish used as bait.)

I, however, read this as "WATCH ME ENGULF A SHRINER" and I immediately imagined the turtle gulping down a middle-aged man in a red fez, tassel swinging as he disappeared into the maw of the beast. Then I thought, "That can't be right," and I read it again - correctly - and thought, "Oh. That makes sense."

But the version with the Shriner is funnier.