The Writer's Box
Again with the Flood!

To Bee Or Not To Bee

Today I bring you a recap of a really great horrible movie - Invasion of the Bee Girls.


The film is set in 1973. It is the story of a group of scientitians in a federal research facility. Most of the scientitians are dirty old lascivious playboys. The one woman scientitian, Susan Harris, is an entomologist and quite the looker, but is described as being "cold as ice" by the playboys. She always wears big old sunglasses, even indoors, as she swans around in her miniskirt. The librarian of the research facility is our heroine, Julie, who is wholesome and blonde and pretty, but also wears miniskirts.

Anyway! One of the scientitians is found dead of coronary thrombosis brought on by sex! The State Department (yes!) dispatches our hero, Neil, to the town to investigate. Neil is rugged and has perfect seventies man hair. He and Julie quickly form a partnership to solve the mystery. But more and more scientitians drop dead, all of them victims of sex-exhaustion and all of them with their faces frozen mid-scream. 

Then the head of sex research determines that everyone needs to be celibate rather than risk sexy death, but he is immediately run over by a car and killed. Turns out he's gay, and the death-by-sex is strictly hetero, so there you go.

Now the whole town is getting twitchy.

And finally we find out that Ms. Frigid is really a - BEE GIRL! Behind those sunglasses are two huge black bee eyes with really excellent eyelashes, which apparently only emerge when she's doing the hanky-panky to off her colleagues. Yes! It's her!

But also! She's turning all the girls in the town into her own personal swarm of Bee Girls by drugging them and subjecting them a special form of controlled mutation. We get to see the process when she kidnaps the wife of one of her victims. The Bee Girls all gather round the new recruit and cover her naked body with goo, indulging in a little booby touchy-feely as they do. Then they put her in a special radiation capsule and unleash a bunch of actual bees. The bees cover her from stem to stern and the radiation turns the goo into a cocoon. And when the Bee Girls rip open the cocoon - there she is, a new Bee Girl, with her huge black eyeballs and magnificent lashes!

Meanwhile, our plucky pair of heroes are doing their research and realize Susan's nefarious plan: 

  1. Turn all the good-looking women into Bee Girls.
  2. Kill all the nasty men by fucking them to death. (Death, where is thy sting?)
  3. Take over the world.

But then! Susan kidnaps Julie! Just as the Bee Girl transformation is taking place, Our Hero Neil arrives to save the day. Susan threatens to kill Julie, but Neil outfoxes her and shoots up the Bee Girl Transmogrification Machine. He rescues Julie in the nick of time, while the exploding lab machinery kills all of the other Bee Girls, including Big Boss Bee Girl Susan.

It is a cinematic, polyester triumph!