Family Lingo
The Longest Night

Shitty Shoppers


Joe had a tough time at work yesterday evening. Why do normally nice people suddenly turn into rude motherfuckers when it gets close to Christmas? Whatever happened to peace and good will?

There were the people who ignored the "Line starts here" sign and walked right up to Joe's register. When Joe politely told them where the line was, they gave all kinds of excuses:

  • But you just waited on her. (Yes, because she was next IN LINE.)
  • I just have a quick question. (No, you're returning stuff, exchanging stuff, and buying more stuff.)
  • But I'm in a hurry! I have to be at a wedding in half an hour! (You're gonna be late.)

And then there are these odious shoppers:

  • You better give me my 30% off! (I would, if the sale hadn't ended last week.)
  • You can't be sold out of that! I drove all the way from New Jersey, Allentown, Baltimore, Pittsburgh! (Do you have a phone? Yes? You could have called and saved yourself a trip.)
  • I'm here to pick up my order; the name is Ben Dover. (Joe goes to look; can't find the order.) Oh! It might be under my mom's name; she ordered it. (Thanks for the tip.)
  • You're going to ruin Christmas! (No, you did that to yourself.)
  • What do mean you're closed? I'm not done shopping! (The store closed at 8:00. It's now 8:45. The lights are off, the front door is locked, and you need to leave.)

Honestly, Joe has had to deal with every single one of these customers. And more.

Thank God that there are the great customers too - they're patient, pleasant, and happy that the shop is there. And they are true Christmas miracles.