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Tights Are Not Pants: Premiere Edition

Someday Perhaps I Shall Get A Tattoo Maybe


One of my current guilty pleasures (yes, I have more than one; shut up) is this "reality" TV show called Ink Master, wherein a bunch of tattoo artists compete for $100,000 and -- even better! -- the title of Ink Master.

It is exactly the same as Shear Genius, which was a hairstyling competition and another one of my (many) guilty pleasures, except with needles instead of scissors.

There are three judges: Dave Navarro (a rock musician with many tattoos of his own), Chris Nunez, (a tattoo artist with many tattoos of his own who used to be on Miami Ink), and Oliver Peck (a tattoo artist with many tattoos of his own who constantly chews on a toothpick). Sometimes there is a guest judge; usually another tattoo artist who specializes in whatever style the contestants must demonstrate, but sometimes another person who is sort of famous, but in either case the guest judge has many tattoos of his own.

Each week, one contestant is kicked off and must pack their equipment and get the hell out; eventually one person will remain -- THE INK MASTER!

The show has two parts: a flash challenge, which does not necessarily involve actual tattooing, and an elimination tattoo. The "human canvases" are assigned by the winner of that episode's flash challenge, so there is all kinds of strategy and skullduggery going on.

Last night, the final six contestants had to do animal tattoos, with an emphasis on showing dimension. All of the tattoos are quite impressive, I must say.

I have been tempted to get a tattoo. My nephew has many tattoos of his own, including the biological taxonomy and a 1940s-style pinup girl. My mother was horrified by this, but also fascinated. My niece has the DC flag on her ankle. Several of my Tribe friends have impressive ink.

But I am a chickenshit. I don't know if I could put up with the pain, and what if I decided I hated it? I have another nephew who got several skull-and-snake type tattoos all over his arms and has spent far more money getting them lasered off than he did getting them inked on.

And what would I get anyway? I thought I might get a clown, but I really don't want a clown; I'm not a clown anymore after all. Maybe I would get a stylized pencil or pen to signify writing, but I'm not really a writer, not really. Juggling theme? Nah. Portrait? Maybe of my mom when she was young, but on second thought, I don't need a tattoo to remember her.

I know! The happy yellow guy, kinda small, where I can see him.


Maybe. What do you think?