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Pull Up Your Goddamn Pants: Middle-Aged Man Edition

A Dear John Letter to Comcast

Dear Comcast,

I'm sorry to have to do this, but you give me no choice. I know we've had a long, mutually satisfying relationship -- a relationship built on shared expectations, a relationship of give and take, a relationship full of kept promises. You brought so much to the relationship. It was so simple at first, so easy. As the relationship deepened, we added new things to it. There was trust; there was hope.

Yes, there were a few glitches here and there. We worked through them, you and I, and the relationship continued on its way. There were changes on both our parts, mostly for the good.

But alas! In the end, our relationship could not withstand this latest challenge.

Everything went downhill in mid-November. You came out and we patched it up, temporarily. Then, on November 21, nothing.

I called you repeatedly; you kept promising that things would get better. But instead of working on our shared challenges, you ignored them. You never wrote; you never called -- you just didn't show up. Whenever I got you on the phone, you made excuses. You said you were sorry, but nothing ever changed.

I can take a hint, Comcast. This is goodbye. I've met someone new -- someone who can give me everything you gave me, and more. Someone I won't have to spend so much money on, at least for two years.

Yes, Comcast. I'm leaving you for FIOS. It's moving in on December 12. I'll return all your boxes. I expect you to give me credit for everything I've done, and everything you haven't.

Sorry it ended the way it did, but it's your own damn fault.