And How Was Your Weekend?
The Saturday 9

What I Would Do

This morning on the radio I heard about the Winklevoss twins, who sued Mark Zuckerberg for stealing their idea and turning it into Facebook. They were awarded $65 million in cash and stock, and now they're saying "Oh no, that's not enough."

Can I tell ya something? If a judge handed me that kind of cash, I would say "Thank you very much" and maybe tear up a little bit.

Then I would take a one hundred dollar bill and wipe my teary eyes with it.

Other things I would do with hundred dollar bills?

I would hire a minion to walk in front of me strewing them like rose petals.

I would use them as tissues to blot the shine from my glowing cheeks.

I would fold them into interesting origami shapes.

I would light Joe's cigars with them.

I would weave them into nice placemats.

I would roll one up and tuck it jauntily behind my ear.

I would floss my teeth with them.

I would use them as coasters.

And finally? I would fill up my bathtub with them and lie in the money.

Lie. In. The. Money.