Beware, Brother, Beware*
December 28, 2009
I have been very remiss in not announcing the latest winner of Two Pats On The Head. I have decided, because I get to, that there are two winners: the lovely and talented Green Tuna and the lovely and talented Fredlet both correctly identified "Whatever Lola Wants" as being from the musical Damn Yankees. Green Tuna was first from a blog comment standpoint, but Fredlet replied by email shortly after midnight. So two pats to both of them!
Now on to the entry!
We were coming home from the hockey game Saturday night. The Metro train was jam packed; Joe and I were up against the door, along with two sozzled hockey fans. Pretty soon Drunky McDrunkerson started bleating loudly, "Man, I really have to piss, man! Like I'm literally going to piss my pants, man! I'm gettin' off here so I can take a piss because my bladder is about to bust!"
His companion, Plastered McHammeredson, said "No man! Where are you gonna go? We only have a couple more stops! Hold it!"
A discussion ensued, with Drunky handing Plastered his car keys. "Here, just wait in the car. I'll meet you there. 'Cause I really gotta go, man!"
At this point I said "Could you turn the other way at least?"
He didn't hear me.
Or maybe he didn't quite comprehend what I was saying.
At any rate, the train stopped and he lurched off, followed by his fellow partier. Those of us in the immediate vicinity of Drunky the Mad Pisser breathed a little easier. I did worry, though, about the fact that this guy was going to be driving soon.
People. Please. Don't do that to yourselves. It never ends well, especially if my son on duty. In fact, when we want to determine whether we are sober enough to drive, we ask ourselves this question: If SonnyeBoy pulled us over, would we find ourselves in jail?
I'm not trying to lecture anybody, really I'm not. But with New Year's Eve coming up soon, it's worth thinking about. I could never understand it when an old friend would say, "I got so drunk last night that I puked over my balcony railing! It was so much fun!"
I'm sorry if I'm a wet blanket, but how is that fun? Personally, I have never found puking to be fun. Ever. Also, I rather like to remember what I did of an evening.
Okay, I'm stepping off the soapbox and stopping with the finger wagging. But just remember this: if you drink and drive you could be helping SonnyeBoy win yet another award.
*Two pats on head to the first person who can tell me what jump blues great wrote "Beware, Brother, Beware".