If Only He'd Had A Bucket
He Ain't Heavy; He's My Porker

Ten Things About SonnyeBoy

1. He has a brown belt in karate.

2. He recently let an underage, drunken girl yell at him for one minute, while she was in custody and before she took the intoximeter test. He was asking if she would consent to the test when she said, "I just want to yell at you for a minute." Being the accommodating man that he is, SonnyeBoy said, "Okay, you have one minute, starting now." And the chick proceeded to spew all sorts of invective at him, along the lines of "I hate you! You should catching real criminals! You're just a power hungry prick bastard who likes to pick on girls. I HATE YOU!" At the end of the minute, SonnyeBoy cut her off and asked if she'd consent once again. She meekly said "Yes" and blew a .19. (The legal limit in Maryland is .08.)

3. Because I would not buy him toy guns, he made his own rocket launcher out of a shipping tube, a toilet paper roll, and lots of tape. He was about six at the time.

4. He made the Dean's List every semester that he was in college.

5. In ninth grade, he grew five inches in four months.

6. He read "The Great Gatsby" before I did, then recommended it to me. I was a little bit embarrassed about that.

7. He writes a hell of a police report. In fact, he went to court a couple weeks ago to testify as the arresting officer in a DUI case. (The dude was hammered. When SonnyeBoy found a bat under the seat of the car, the dude actually said that he used to beat up people. I mean, how dumb do you have to be?) The defense attorney turned out to be one of the premier attorneys in Howard County, well known for his ability to get his clients off. When he greeted SonnyeBoy, he said, "We already put in a guilty plea. I read your report and you didn't leave me any wiggle room."

8. He's really cute.

9. And single.

10. And today is his 26th birthday. Happy birthday, SonnyeBoy!