Spur Of The Moment
Parade and Stuff

What'cha Gonna Do?

Yes, it's time for the latest edition of

Stupid Criminals on Parade!

First Up: Best. Excuse. Ever.

SonnyeBoy recently pulled over a dude who appeared to be driving while shitfaced. Indeed, he failed all of the field sobriety tests spectacularly, so SonnyeBoy took him into custody and, as is customary in these sorts of circumstances, he searched the dude.

And out of the change pocket in the dude's jeans, SonnyeBoy pulled a small plastic envelope containing a substance that, through his training, experience, and expertise as a police officer, he recognized as crack cocaine.

SonnyeBoy asked the dude, "So what's this?"

The dude replied, "These aren't my pants."

These Aren't My Pants. SonnyeBoy had difficulty maintaining a professional demeanor.

"Whose pants are they?" he asked.

"My friend's," he slurred.

"What's your friend's name?" SonnyeBoy inquired.

"Ummm... ummm... I don't know," the dude confessed.

"And yet, you're wearing his pants," said SonnyeBoy.

The moral of the story? If you're going to borrow someone's pants, at least get his name.

And check the pockets.

Next: Inappropriate Glee

My niece was on bike patrol when she noticed a guy asleep in his car, which is illegal.

Especially if you happened to be so haaaammmmerrrred that you can't speak. Eventually my niece pierced the alcohol haze long enough to make the guy understand that she wanted to see some ID.

He proceeded to dig through his pockets in search of the elusive document. Occasionally he'd lapse back into pass-outedness, when my niece would again verbally prod him.

"Sir? I need to see your ID, sir," she said.

"Wha? Oh, yeah... ID," he repled, searching another pocket.

Finally he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag containing a white, powdery substance.

"Look! Cocaine!" he chortled.

"You're under arrest," said my niece.