At Least She Got Sick At The Beach
The Family Meme

The Test

Yesterday I had my electronystagmography. Let me tell you, it's more fun than a day at the beach.

This is the test that would determine whether my dizziness (Shut. Up.) was Benign Positronic Positional Vertigo (I may have gotten that slightly incorrect) or a brain-eating worm or something equally horrifying and incurable.

I brought my CT scan films with me. I looked at them; I couldn't see any alligators in my sinuses -- oh, who am I kidding -- all I could see was a skull. Sort of. I think.

Now here's the problem -- the dizziness went away.

Ain't that about a bitch?

Happens all the time, you know? Your car makes a weird noise and belches black smoke and leaks stinky fluids every damn day for a month, but the morning you take it to the shop it starts right up and purrs all the way to the dealer and not a drop of anything drips out, and you pay $200 bucks to hear that everything's jake.

Such was the case with me and my dizziness. It cleared up a week or so ago, so I knew going in that I'd pass all the damn tests and they'd collect my co-pay and smile at me.

And so it came to pass. I passed the hearing test. I passed Part One of the electronmicroscoposocy, where I tracked a red dot with my eyeballs. No dizziness. I passed Part Two of the electrosnagglepussography, where I lay flat on the table and rolled around. No dizziness. I even passed Part Three of the electronysmammography, where the audiologist blew hot air, then cold air, in my ears until I got dizzy. I got a little dizzy, but see, that's normal for this test.

When the doc came in, I explained all this to him as he scrutinized the test results, the CT films, and the rest of my chart. He still thinks I have bouts of Benign Posterior Pingpong Vertigo, and he told me to get myself in there in a hurry when it happens again.

Oh goody.