Don't Worry; Everything's Under Control
On Tragedy


So... the taxes are done! Joe retired early Friday night, and I thought, "Might as well get it over with," so I hunkered down in front of the big screen and fired up TurboTax

For some reason, I have become the tax maven in the family. I do my Mom's, I do SonnyeBoy's, and I do ours. I did SonnyeBoy's back in March (it took all of 20 minutes); I did Mom's last weekend (also 20 minutes). Ours take a little longer, so I always do them last.

Another reason I do our last is because we almost always owe some money, and I prefer to wait to receive bad news. Mom accuses me of waiting until the last minute; I prefer to think of it as "just in time".

I've had a few scares doing taxes over the years, but it's always been the result of operator error. For example, there was the year I sent off the forms without signing them. That resulted in a midnight trip to the post office to repost signed forms.

Then one year I almost slit my wrists because TurboTax told me I owed $10,000.

Ten. Thousand. Dollars.

I came upstairs, shellshocked and pale, and told Joe. After he picked up his jaw and stuffed his guts back up his ass, he asked how that could be possible. I shook my head and said I didn't know, but I thought I must have made a mistake.

"Just let me chill out a sec," I said, "and I'll check it again."

And sure enough, I'd made a mistake reporting a cashless stock option exercise. We actually were getting a tiny bit of money back.

Anyway. I think that was the last year that we actually got money back; as i said, we usually have to pay. One year, in fact, I really miscalculated our finances and we had to go on an installment plan for a few months. Luckily, though, we were able to pay it off quickly.

But this year -- ah, I'm liking this year a lot.

R-E-F-(pause)-U-N-D! Found out what it means to me!
R-E-F-(pause)-U-N-D! Send that dough right to me!
Re, Re, Re, Re, Re, Re, Re, Re, FUND! Not a little bit; quite a lot of it!

Repeat while dancing...