August 18, 1979
Ten Things I Love About DC

Powerball Fantasy

So the Powerball lottery is up to 300 million bucks.

I'm reminded of the old joke:

Every night Bob prays fervently to the Lord: "Lord, please let me win the lottery. Lord, please let me win the lottery. Lord, please let me win the lottery." Finally one night, Bob hears the celestial voice of the Lord: "Bob, meet me halfway. Buy a ticket."

The late, great comedian Robin Harris did a bit about getting rich:

His buddy asks, "Robin, if you get rich, are you gonna change?"

And he replies, "You're god-damn RIGHT I'm gonna change!"

Finally, I remember once (back in the misty past) when Howard Stern asked people if they'd quit their jobs if they won the lottery. Joe actually called in and said, "No, I won't quit my job. But I'll go into work with a whole new attitude."

Imagine. Three hundred million dollars. Well, not that much, given taxes. Let's cut it in half, just to be on the safe side.

Imagine. One hundred and fifty million dollars.

Where you gonna spend that kind of money?

Oh, let me see:

Pay off everything, and I mean everything (including mortgages), and I still have $149,700,000.

Donate 10 million to save New Orleans, because I just need to. I still have $139,700,000.

Donate 10 million to the Whitman-Walker clinic, because they're actually making a difference in the lives of AIDS sufferers. I still have $129,700,000.

Buy a swell condo in Cleveland Park. I still have $129,000,000.

Buy SonnyeBoy a swell house in Ocean City. I still have $128,500,000.

Make sure my Mom has whatever she wants, wherever she wants it. I still have $128,000,000.

Frittering cash for impulse buying. I still have $127,000,000.

Travel! I still have $126,000,000.

Stash one hundred million in a high-yield money market account -- gotta look out for retirement. I still have $26,000,000.

Season tickets -- box seats -- to the Capitals, Redskins, and Nationals. I don't know how much I still have, but it's probably enough for a few dinners out.

And so on.

Excuse me. I better go buy a ticket.