Red Nose

Oh, Rob!

Well! No one gets two pats on the head!

Y'all are either too damn young or your memories are shot or you didn't watch one of the best television comedies of the 60s.

I refer, of course, to The Dick Van Dyke Show, wherein Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore play Rob and Laura Petrie. I loved this show; I still love it!

In this particular episode, Rob and Laura have a quarrel. Rob storms out of their New Rochelle rancher and goes to the movies to cool off. And the movie?

Why, it's The Guns of Navarone.

And Rob falls asleep during the show.

Unfortunately, a jewelry store nearby gets robbed while Rob's asleep in the theater. A witness recalls seeing Rob in the vicinity and fingers him as one of the crooks. Poor Rob! He's questioned by all kinds of people, from the cops to the neighbors to Laura (of course) to his coworkers, and he tells all of them that he couldn't have done it. He was at The Guns of Navarone. Naturally, they all ask him about the plot. Rob confesses that he fell asleep and doesn't know what the plot was.

And everyone exclaims incredulously:

You fell asleep during The Guns of Navarone?????

Now if you're a Seinfeld fan, you may remember the episode where Jerry and his girlfriend are trying to find a little privacy so that they can enjoy each others' company, but Jerry's folks are visiting. So they go to the movies and make out there, but that causes a big ruckus because the movie is Schindler's List.

So when Jerry tells his mother that he and his girlfriend got kicked out for making out in the movie theater, his mother exclaims incredulously:

You were making out during Schindler's List?????

Hmmmm...

What I'm Watching Tonight After Spending Yesterday in Chicago

I spent yesterday in Chicago at a meeting.

Yeah. Flew out of Baltimore yesterday morning, walked the obligatory five miles in O'Hare plus the additional 5,000 miles to the CTA station, took the CTA into the Loop, walked eight blocks in the rain, attended the meeting, walked five blocks back to the station, took the CTA back to O'Hare, walked the 5,005 miles to my gate, pondered, ate a salad in the food court, read a lot, and flew home.

You know, there really should be mileage signs in that airport. It would make it so much easier to decide what form of ground transportation to take. It's not that I'm afraid of walking long distances; I just would rather not. I've already resigned myself to the fact that regardless of which United concourse my plane pulls into, I'm going to have to go through the Tunnel of Flashing Neon Lights and People Who Stand On The Moving Sidewalk And Spread Their Crap All The Way Across It. So I know that there will be much walking involved.

But.

It would have been nice to know that the CTA station was 5,000 miles away from Concourse C. I would haver seriously considered taking cab and lopping off several thousand miles of walking, eight blocks of which was in the rain.

And you may have noticed that I stated that the walk to the office was eight blocks, but the walk back was five. Well, that's because I'm not all that familiar with the Loop area. So of course I walked in the wrong direction a couple of times, but never more than a block, for I ask directions.

But I digress.

So I'm wiped tonight and spent the evening watching a strange variety of TV shows. At least it seems to me that it was a strange variety, at least when taken in the aggregate. Singly, none of these shows is that bizarre (well, except for maybe that one you think is weird), but taken together, it appears odd -- or maybe eclectic -- to me.

So here's what I watched tonight:

1. The World Series of Pop Culture. This is an interesting quiz show on pop culture trivia, pitting teams against each other to answer various questions asked by a straight-faced and humorless host. I did pretty well on them; I got about 80%.
2. Miami Ink. I'm fascinated with tattoos, but I'm more fascinated with the tattoo artists. Some of these guys are splendid artists, especially the ones who draw the tattoo freehand onto the skin rather than using a stencil. Tonight one of the dudes tattooed the Andy Warhol Marilyn (the pink version) onto a young woman's back. It was quite amazing.
3. America's Ballroom Challenge. Ah, ballroom dancing! Beautiful men and women wearing too much makeup and hair slickum. I love watching ballroom dancing. The women's costumes have the most amazing hidden infrastructure! Tonight's dancing was hosted by Marilu Henner and Tony Meredith, but I must admit that I preferred Juliet Prowse and Ron Montez.
4. Friends reruns. Well, sure. Probably the most mainstream of the three, but Mind of Mencia is just not that funny to me. Some of his bits are hysterical, but overall... nah. Animal Cops just makes me want to spit nails and beat people. Friends is always reliable.

Now, though, I shall have to close, for I must commune with my second husband.

Ten Things I Did Over President's Day Weekend

1. Had lunch with the lovely and talented Deb Siobhan. She filled me in on what to expect at the upcoming Green Bay Minicon (call me crazy; Green Bay in February!) and then we just yakked on and on about work, family, journaling, and how the world really ought to change to suit us. Excellent!
2. Had dinner with Mom. Her Spa Retreat at Montgomery General Hospital has really perked her up. Maybe I should sign up for the Two Pints of Blood treatment and a weekend in an ass-baring hospital gown.
3. Watched lots of Olympics. Scoffed roundly at the costumes that the ice dancers wore -- I mean, please. The Ukranian gal had on tassels -- yes, tassels! Joe was waiting for her to twirl them in opposite directions. The Italians lost a fight with blue crepe paper, but had a fight with each other. Even my boy Ben Agosto -- Ben, Ben, Ben. Please lose the lacy cut-out crap. It's just -- not right. Thanks. But the women's hockey -- excellent. Now that's some fine skatin'.
4. Shopping. Yes -- at the Mall. On President's Day weekend. I got some good bargains. Underwear -- five for $25.00! Black jeans -- $30! Bespangled peasant top (I owned the original back in 1973) -- 25% off! Good times, good times.
5. Balanced the checkbook. RIght down to the penny. Oh, the joy.
6. Began cropping photos from JournalCon 2005 for the new album. I figure if I get the photos cropped and mounted, then I can just slap 'em in the album without a lot of work. So far, so good.
7. Went to my weekly Sunday Night Write-In and actually got some work done on The Sequel. It may even end. Someday.
8. Did grocery shopping with Joe. This qualifies because I rarely go grocery shopping anymore -- Joe does it. He's made friends with all the clerks at the Safeway and knows where everything is, whereas I sort of wander around in a daze impulsively grabbing things off shelves. Oh! Dental floss! Oh! Apples! Oh! Low fat ice cream bars!
9. Took a long walk along the C&O Canal towpath. Yes, it was really cold, but it was a really good walk. I love the towpath in winter -- it's quieter, and you can see through the trees to the river, and bounce rocks off the ice on the canal, and sometimes you can hear woodpeckers.
10. Saw Capote. Wonderful movie. Philip Seymour Hoffman did an extraordinary job with the role of Truman Capote, and the supporting cast (particularly Clifton Collins Jr. as Perry Smith) was equally amazing.