Red Nose

Tights Are Not Pants: Variety Edition

I have been quite remiss in posting examples of my latest fashion headshake, to wit: Tights are not pants. So, rather than post them one at a time, here is one big ol' collection of them.

1.  Shades of the 80s -- the big shirt over tights. Comfortable, yes; pants, no. Oh, and the woman behind her? Those are actually jeans. Extraordinarily tight jeans, but jeans nonetheless. Location: Minneapolis-St. Paul airport.

 

2.  The paint splatter effect tights. Pants? No. At least she's got the gray/black thing going -- except for the backpack and boots. Location: SeaTac Airport.

 

3.The patterned tights. I think they are kind of cute, except for the wedgie effect. Put something over that, please! Location: Glenmont Metro.

 

4. A twofer! Again with the wedgie effect! It's not as obvious with the black tights, but trust me, it was definitely wedged. Also? NOT PANTS. Location: Gallery Place Metro.

 

5. It wouldn't be spring without some pink! I'm glad that the draped white top hides any wedge action, but still -- you know the drill -- not pants. Location: Glenmont Metro.

 

6. Finally, a guest entry from my BFF Judy's granddaughter. Are the faux-jeans pockets and stitching drawn on? Painted on? Are these pajama jeans? These may not, strictly speaking, be tights, but can they be called pants? Whatever they are, they are... unfortunate. Location: Atlanta.

 

Tights Are Not Pants: Red Guy Edition

I think we all need a breather, so here's a rather bootylicious fellow who I saw at the Caps game.

Dude, it's a cute suit, but it is not pants!

Location: Verizon Center
GO CAPS!!

Tights Are Not Pants: Prints Edition

I've been noticing that patterned tights are popular lately. But no matter the pattern, they are NOT PANTS!

This grey print goes well with her coat, but they are not pants.

Leopard print is darling and matches the Uggs, but still -- NOT PANTS!

At least the toddler has pants.

Locations: Tenleytown Metro (top), Glenmont Metro (bottom)

Tights Are Not Pants: Sparkles Edition

Yes, the sparkles add that certain je ne sais quoi to the tights, but the sparkles do NOT make them PANTS!

Location: Gallery Place Metro

Pull Up Your Goddamn Pants: Close Call Edition

There he was, in all his saggy glory, waiting for his ride. The picture does not adequately show it, but take it from me, those jeans were well under his derriere.

I always try to get a few shots of these characters, so that I can choose the most illustrative angle. As I was taking the second shot, holy cow! He turned around. I had to move quickly to hide my nefarious deed, but I made it!

And got another decent droop at the same time.

Location: Glenmont Metro
Sag Factor: 7.8324

 

Tights Are Not Pants: Stripes Edition

Yes, I agree that the stripes are a nice pop, both on the shirt and the handbag. And the boots are quite cute. Yes, I know the tights are black and opaque.

But they are NOT PANTS!

Location: Tenleytown Metro

Pull Up Your Goddamn Pants: Pants On Pants Edition

I am getting better. I even fixed dinner, although putting chicken in the oven and toasting some English muffins is not exactly difficult.

But I am still not there yet. Even that tiny bit of work has tuckered me right out, and I am still wheezing a lot. So rather than bore you with still more flu talk, let's have a look at this fellow, who seems to be going for the best of both worlds: jeans of a normal height, covered up by sagging track pants.

Dude. Do you really need two pairs of pants?

Location: Greenbelt Metro
Sag Factor: 6.5

Tights Are Not Pants: Premiere Edition

Yes, they are a fetching leopard print, but they are NOT PANTS.

Location: Tenleytown Metro

Pull Up Your Goddamn Pants: Red Drawers Edition

It's nice to see a pop of color in an ensemble.

Location: Glenmont Metro
Sag Factor: 7.6

Pull Up Your Goddamn Pants: Hoodie Edition

When the weather gets cooler, the jackets and coats make it harder to spot the sag. Ever so often, however, there's no denying the droop.

Location: Tenleytown Metro
Sag Factor: 8.8