Red Nose

Criminal Mastermind

I love a stupid criminal.

Recently, a semi-masked man robbed the Family Dollar store right near my house. He was recognized by witnesses, video surveillance was set up at his residence, and he was busted shortly thereafter with the gun he used to rob the store.

This, my friends, is comedy gold.

First off, who robs the freakin' dollar store?? I mean, if you're going to risk prison for armed robbery, you might as well shoot (heh) for the moon and go for a jewelry store or a bank! Want to bet that the loot consisted of a handful of wrinkled up singles?

Second, he was semi-masked. What does this mean? I have visions of him wearing one of those little half masks that you get for Halloween, or maybe a bandanna pulled up over his nose ala the Wild Wild West, or perhaps he had a panty pulled over his head, as in Raising Arizona, but only as far as his eyes.

Third, he robbed a store less than a mile from his house! Clearly, our would-be thief has never heard the advice "don't shit where you eat." Combine this with the "semi-mask", it's no wonder several witnesses recognized him. I'm willing to believe that one of the rules in the Robbers Handbook is "Do not rob a store where you are known."

Of course, if you don't have a vehicle and must flee on foot, I guess it's more convenient to jack up a place near home. Then you don't have to worry about getting back there.

Speaking of home... do most professional thieves go home after a job? It seems to me you'd want to stash your loot -- and your GUN, by the way -- other than where you live. You know, so the cops don't find the incriminating evidence when they apprehend you after setting up video surveillance.

Anyway, he'll be celebrating Christmas in prison.

Happy Holidays dude!

Shameless Promotion

So the Overlord (my boss's boss) bought everyone in my group a Christmas present -- a copy of The Book! (Well, not me; I've already got a copy. And I know the ending. Heh.) I had a lot of mixed emotions when he announced this at the department Holiday Dinner -- shock, happiness, embarrassment, a little fear, a "there goes my anonymity" feeling, an "oh shit" feeling, giddiness -- you name it.

Today he came up to my cube and said, "I want to give you a hug! Can I give you a hug?"

And... what do you say to that? What the hell; I gave him a hug. A nice, collegial, pat-pat sort of hug, because really -- BOSS'S BOSS.

Then he told me that he'd read the book and really liked it, that it was authentic, that I was a good writer, and so on and so forth, and I just sat here and said "thank you" and "I'm so glad" a lot.

Now I'm nervous. I hope that everyone else likes it too, but I know there's no guarantee of that. And that's okay. I don't need to hug everybody. 

Anyway, he also asked me if that was the only book.

I hate that question.

So. Here's my New Year's Resolution: I'm going to finish the damn sequel, once and for all. I have a few ideas for getting it done, which I'll share once I rein them in and get them under control.

(By the way, if you're inclined to buy a copy of The Book, you can get 25% off until January 31. Just buy it from Lulu.com and use coupon code LULUBOOK305. Click that big old book over in the sidebar.)

And that wraps up my contributions to this year's Holidailies!

Old Friends and Birthdays

Last night I met my high-school pals for dinner and yakking and laughing.

And celebrating birthdays.

January is a big month for birthdays in this groups. Of the seven of us who regularly get together, four of us (including yours truly) have birthdays in January. This is a milestone year, too -- we are turning 60.

I have to pause and let that sink in.

Six. Tee. Years. Old.

Damn.

Gimme a minute.

Goddamn.

Sixty.

Hmm.

.

.

.

Anyway! We had a blast, as we always do. After a delicious dinner at a great Asian restaurant, we gathered at one friend's home for cake and coffee. And what a cake -- homemade Buche de Noel!

Three of the gals brought cards for us birthday broads. I got the following sentiments:

Card #1: The outside says "There's an amount of wine that will make you say, 'Damn, I'm a great dancer!'" The inside says, "It's your birthday. Please dance responsibly."

Card #2: The outside has pictures of all sorts of adult beverages - martinis, margaritas, pina coladas, glasses of wine, mugs of beer - and says, "Twist, chill, mix, garnish, stir, brew, shake." The inside says, "It's your birthday. Make it good."

Card #3: The outside says, "Wow, a child of the '60s is turning 60!" The inside says, "Wanna do some ANTACID?"

Do you think they know me pretty well? I do.

We are a damn good looking bunch of broads.

Pull Up Your Goddamn Pants: Feminine Edition

My great good friend Judy sent me this photo, taken by her lovely and talented granddaughter Hannah. It's proof that women, too, need to pull up their goddamn pants.

Location: A mall in Atlanta, Georgia
Sag Factor: 8 (extra for cheekiness)

New Year's Day

A cold front is moving in to the area, the temperature is dropping, the wind is picking up.

Well, that's as it should be, I guess; after all, it's winter here in the Mid-Atlantic and it ought to be cold.

We were out late last night, ringing in the new year with my sister, her husband, and his sister. We had a great dinner at a local Tex-Mex joint, closing the joint down at about 9:30, and then went back to my sister's house for dessert, champagne, and ball dropping. Then we watched the encore presentation of the third period of the Caps comeback against the Blue Jackets! (You knew I was going to work hockey into this somehow, didn't you?)

Joe was up before I was this morning, so I got to wake up to the bodacious aroma of fresh coffee brewing. Now that's the way to start the new year!

We recently got back from a drive, just a drive to get out of the house before the warm-ish weather and the sunshine beat feet in front of the cold. We stopped at a High's Dairy Store to get a cup of coffee and a treat, then moseyed on back home on the back roads and byways. We managed to annoy a motocyclist who wanted to feel the wind in his hair (and the bugs in his teeth), but could not because we were driving rather sanely.

Oh well. He passed us as soon as he could, and Godspeed to him!

I enjoy these lazy, quiet Sundays, regardless of the day of the year. There's football on, of course, but I am watching the Marx Brothers marathon. Even though I can practically recite these movies by heart, I still love 'em.

Swordfish!

 

Hope

Here it is, the last day of the year.

I'm not going to do a lot of looking back, except to acknowledge that it was a hard year. But now, according to the calendar, it's over. I take a deep breath and look forward to getting together with family tonight, to eat and toast and ring in 2012.

I have hope.

I hope that work goes well, for Joe and for me and for SonnyeBoy. (Especially SonnyeBoy.)

I hope that we all stay healthy and get healthier. (I will try, anyway.)

I hope I finish some way overdue personal projects. (Yes, that one.)

I hope we don't have any major home repairs this year (a new heating/AC system and a new roof were plenty, thanks).

I hope I win the lottery! (I better buy a ticket.)

I hope my Capitals make the playoffs. (I have lowered my expectations this year, but they are still my team.)

I hope that the world doesn't end on December 21. (Or if it does, that I have a good seat.)

I hope that the people of this country realize that we're all in this together. (And the leaders, whether re-elected or newly elected act accordingly.)

I hope I laugh a lot this year. (I hope I make a lot of other people laugh, too.)

I hope that everyone has a very Happy New Year.

 

The Sky Is Golden

It's been raining all day -- the only day of the week that I had to drive, of course. To make matters more annoying, the reason I had to drive was to go to a dentist appointment!

I kid. I have a great dentist, so I really don't mind going.

Well, Christmas One was wonderful. I knocked it out of the park with Joe's big gift: an iPhone 4. (Did you see the hint in this entry? Read the first letters of the first six sentences. And the first word in the seventh sentence is "for". I'm so clever!)

But Joe knocked it out of the park with my big gift: a Sony Cyber-shot camera. I love it! (I broke my little Olympus when I dropped it onto the concrete at Fedex Field a few weeks ago.)

We had a lovely, quiet day. We did get out -- we tried to go to the movies Christmas afternoon. Alas! Every show we wanted to see was sold out. But the day was beautiful and we had a nice drive. When we got home, I fixed Cornish hens, stuffing, and veggies for a sort-of Christmas dinner.

Tomorrow, though, SonnyeBoy arrives home for Christmas Two! I have a turkey breast stashed in the fridge, and all the makings for pumpkin pie. I have to pick up another box of stuffing and some cranberry sauce, and voila! Christmas Two Dinner!

Anyway... as I said, it's been raining all day. But a few minutes ago, I looked up to see a rainbow in the east, arching in front of the clouds.

And a bright golden sky in the west, as the sun had the last word of the day.

Hurray for new cameras!

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve. It's been a very nice day.

The clerks at the grocery store were friendly and helpful. The salesfolks at the liquor store were too, and I was able to check out quickly because I only had two items. The traffic, though heavy, was moving and the drivers were courteous, even in the parking lot.

The fridge is stocked. The beer and wine are chilling. I have wrapped all the presents for Joe and SonnyeBoy.

Now it's coming on to evening, the sunlight is slanting through the trees, and soon we will head over to my sister's for the annual Christmas Eve family feast. We'll eat and drink and laugh and gossip and have a great time.

I don't have anything profound or insightful to say. It's just nice to be in this place, with Joe, on the edge of Christmas.

All is calm; all is bright. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

 

 

Moo

What's that in the distance?

Could it be... a cow??? 

Yes. Yes, it could.

In fact, it's a really big cow, parked nicely on Connecticut Avenue. If only the ice cream were real!

Now The Wrapping Begins

I got Joe's final Christmas gift today.

Probably, he won't guess what it is.

Hopefully, he will like it!

On the other hand, he can exchange it if he doesn't.

Nevertheless, it's a pretty cool present!

Especially since I got a great deal on it.

For once, my Christmas shopping is done before Christmas Eve! Now I just have to wrap everything up -- for Joe, anyway. Alas, SonnyeBoy must protect and serve on Christmas Day, so we will miss him. We were hoping that Joe would not have to work on Boxing Day -- again alas!

My older sister has invited him for Christmas at her house, so he will still get a chance to celebrate with a nice big dinner and plenty of family.

Even though we won't be together on December 25th, we will be together on December 28th. SonnyeBoy will come home for his three days off, take in a Caps game with Joe, open his presents, and eat pie. And we will love him up to a fare-thee-well.

So we'll have Christmas twice, and that's okay with me.