Recently, a semi-masked man robbed the Family Dollar store right near my house. He was recognized by witnesses, video surveillance was set up at his residence, and he was busted shortly thereafter with the gun he used to rob the store.
This, my friends, is comedy gold.
First off, who robs the freakin' dollar store?? I mean, if you're going to risk prison for armed robbery, you might as well shoot (heh) for the moon and go for a jewelry store or a bank! Want to bet that the loot consisted of a handful of wrinkled up singles?
Second, he was semi-masked. What does this mean? I have visions of him wearing one of those little half masks that you get for Halloween, or maybe a bandanna pulled up over his nose ala the Wild Wild West, or perhaps he had a panty pulled over his head, as in Raising Arizona, but only as far as his eyes.
Third, he robbed a store less than a mile from his house! Clearly, our would-be thief has never heard the advice "don't shit where you eat." Combine this with the "semi-mask", it's no wonder several witnesses recognized him. I'm willing to believe that one of the rules in the Robbers Handbook is "Do not rob a store where you are known."
Of course, if you don't have a vehicle and must flee on foot, I guess it's more convenient to jack up a place near home. Then you don't have to worry about getting back there.
Speaking of home... do most professional thieves go home after a job? It seems to me you'd want to stash your loot -- and your GUN, by the way -- other than where you live. You know, so the cops don't find the incriminating evidence when they apprehend you after setting up video surveillance.
Anyway, he'll be celebrating Christmas in prison.
Happy Holidays dude!