Red Nose

The Spillening and the Signening

I got to Saratoga Springs in spite of massive ice storms and pouring rains and delayed flights, and it was good.

Except I kept spilling stuff all over the place. Poised and graceful, that's me.

The first calamity happened at BWI while I was waiting to board my flight to Albany. I had carefully chosen my seat so that I could put my medium Cafe Dulce (another version of Crack-in-a-Cup) on the seat beside me. Then another woman ambled past me, excusing herself, and I went to pick up the cup to ensure that it wouldn't get knocked over.

Except I knocked it over. It landed on the floor, the top popped off, and the entire cup of coffee spread over the carpet. Luckily no one got hit by the tasty beverage, but I was very sad. The woman apologized profusely and offered to buy me another, but I declined because it wasn't really her fault. I told the Southwest folks of the accident, but no one seemed to care very much. Then the woman decided to make friends with me, which she also didn't need to do, but I was polite and discussed the relative merits of Janet Evanovich's oeuvre with her (funny, good for airplanes, isn't Grandma Mazur the best?, getting kind of repetitive but Lean Mean Thirteen is good, no I haven't read much James Patterson, blah blah blah get on the plane already). By the time we boarded, the coffee had become one with the carpet and the stain was actually invisible. Self-cleaning carpet! That's what I need!

So, I got to Albany without incident, although the landing was, shall we say, exciting (which is not necessarily what I'm looking for in an airplane landing). My ride, the tall Paul, was there to drive me to Saratoga, where we met my lovely and talented hostess, Phylise, who immediately escorted us to The Local for beers and bar food. Excellent stuff, except when I got up to leave I stumbled a little and...

Knocked over a half-full pint of beer. Again, no one got wet, but it was a close call, and I did moisten my coat slightly, but the slight drizzle on the walk back to the house took care of that.

So, the next day we did the radio thing (two minutes!) and then went over to Borders for the talkening and the signening. And it turns out that this big-time author, Russell Banks, is also having a book signing, but at 2:00 as opposed to mine at 11:00. Borders had the areas all set up. Here's the setup for Russell Banks, complete with comfy chair:

And here's the setup for me:

Yeah. Three chairs. Now there's a confidence builder right there.

But! People started to come! And we had to usurp the bigger space! And it filled up with kids and grownups! And it was fun! I told a bunch of stories, and I juggled at little, and people actually bought some books, and I actually signed them like a real live au-thor. I must admit that it was kind of neat to see this display:

After the signing, we partook of Chowderfest, a tradition in Saratoga Springs where a bunch of restaurants in town whomp up their best chowder, and offer cups of it to the hungering public for a buck. You get a sticker for your ballot, then vote for the best chowder, kind of like a chili cookoff. I passed on the vegan curry chowder (I don't do curry), but I had some lovely Seafood Chowder from the Stadium Grill, some awesome Southern Fried Chicken chowder from Hattie's, and two cups of Philly Cheesesteak Chowder from Bailey's Cafe. Yes, two cups, because I...

Knocked over the first and spilled it all over the floor. Go me! Once again, though, the only casualty was the concrete floor, and my shoe, which a very friendly (and hungry) Golden Retriever cleaned for me a little while later.

I swear, you can't take me anywhere. At least I didn't drop the juggling balls.

A Perfect Poached Egg

I love the Egg McMuffin. You do too; don't lie to me. And now I can make my very own Eggamuffins at home, perfectly every time, because we own the Egg & Muffin Toaster, made by Back to Basics.

This machine -- this machine! How do I adequately sing the praises of this machine? I bought two of 'em, based on the recommendation of Farhad Manjoo, the tech columnist for Salon.com. He describes the ins and outs of the gadget better than I can -- so well that as soon as I read his post I clicked the link and ordered one for Joe (well, me really) and one for SonnyeBoy. I mean, what young man doesn't require a perfect egg sammich from time to time?

Anyhow, I wrapped both boxes identically and had my boys open them at the same time. As soon as the ooh's and ah's died down I grabbed Joe's box and initiated a system test. First of all, the documentation was good, although the Quick Reference Guide left out a couple minor details. After washing the egg poaching parts (as instructed!), I filled the water reservoir with enough water to cook my egg to "medium," set the toast hue to darkish (I like my toast to be toast), and inserted the bread. I broke an egg into the egg poaching pan, and assembled the poaching parts. Then I took a deep breath, pressed the "egg and toast" button, and pushed down the toaster level, which activated the magic.

Sure enough, both egg and toast were done -- perfectly -- at exactly the same time! Had I thought to cook up some bacon or sausage, I could have kept it piping hot in the meat warmer as my egg and toast were cooking.

I mean, how absolutely cool is this?? On the one hand, an excellent toaster of bread, English muffins, or bagels; on the other hand, a flawless egg poacher (or boiler of eggs, from soft to hard -- bonus!).

Best of all, this is a gadget that has no chance of ending up dusty in a cupboard (like the smoothie maker) or pulled out once a year (like the apple-peeler-corer-slicer). This one is on the counter, and there are a dozen eggs in the fridge.

But not for long.

And To All A Good Night!

For the first time in several years, I actually cooked a Christmas dinner!

From the looks of things, it turned out pretty well. I overdid it on the mashed potatoes and veggies, but better to have too much than not enough, eh?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Oh Yes, There Was Also Food

So, remember the Beer Dinner?

We went, and it was good. (Click on the thumbnails for larger images.)

The dining room was set up beautifully, a harbinger of the gourmet treats -- both solid and liquid -- in store for us.

After schmoozing, boozing, and snacks, we were invited to take our seats. Chef John described each course, and the brewery reps described the beers that were paired with each dish.

First course: Mixed green salad tossed with sun-dried cherries and artisinal applewood smoked bacon, tossed in a honey vinaigrette topped with honey goat cheese. Light, bright, and delicious! The bacon was the God of Bacon, thick chunks full of bacony goodness. This course was paired with Backdraft Brown from the local Hook and Ladder Brewery.

Second course: Chicken breast stuffed with boursin cheese with a browned hazelnut and fresh herb infused broth, topped with fresh asparagus. The chicken was melt-in-your-mouth tender; the cheese added a silky accent. Whole roasted hazelnuts added a delicious accent. This course was paired with Balto MarzHon by Clipper City Brewing.

Third course: Scallop-stuffed salmon filet with a pineapple and red pepper chutney. The chutney was amazing -- made with allspice, coriander, and cilantro. It was spicy but not hot, sweet and tangy. The salmon was perfect. This course was paired with Victory Prima Pils.

Fourth course: Wild mushroom risotto, with veal demi-glace and shredded regianno cheese. Three types of mushrooms were used: Crimini, Woodear, and Honey. The risotto was more like stuffing than rice. I prefer risotto to be a bit more al dente, but the earthy mushroom flavors made up for it. This course was paired with De Koninck.

Fifth course: Lamp lollipop over a parsnip potato hash with sun-dried cherries and a currant demi-glace. This one was the piece de resistance for me. The lamb was tender and moist, pink inside and simply delicious. I almost picked up the bone and gnawed it clean, but I getting kind of full by this point. This course was paired with Heavy Seas Winter Storm Imperial ESB by Clipper City Brewing Company.

Finally! Sixth course: Dark chocolate mousse (60%) with a triangle of chocolate goat cheese in a blackberry puree, topped with whipped cream and chocolate straws. Oh. My. God. This course was paired with a blend of Lindemans Framboise and Rogue Mocha Porter, which was an inspired mix. The Mocha Porter was heavy, but the Frambroise cut the heaviness just enough and added a fruity sweetness that complimented the dark chocolate perfectly. And who knew that chocolate goat cheese would be fabulous?

Luckily, the beer pairings were small glasses, so we weren't hammered at all when we left, just full as ticks and licking our chops.

Well done, Olney Ale House!

Heat Index

I have a very low tolerance for hot food; so low that "mild" to me means "really really spicy and almost intolerable." I mean, I find the fresh tomato salsa at Chipotle to be quite tangy on the tongue.

Joe, on the other hand, has a finely honed and discriminating hotness palate. He's always on the lookout for the World's Most Perfect Hot Sauce: not so hot that all you taste is pain, not so mild that you could drink it and shrug your shoulders. No, Joe searches for the perfect, elusive combination of heat, spice, and flavor.

Which is why he likes California Tortilla, a burrito chain featuring a wall of hot sauces ranging from mild to wild. His favorite is a Cholula sauce, which adds just the right touch to his Havana Burrito. We went to our local CalTor for lunch last Saturday, but alas! There was no Cholula!

Clearly, it was time for a taste test.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the contenders:

Joe applied four drops of a sauce to a bite of burrito, then ate. The rating scale of Joe Physical Reaction is as follows:

• Croaky voice: nicely hot and flavorful; no remedy necessary
• Croaky voice and raised eyebrows/squinty eyes combo: very hot, still good flavor; apply sip of cool drink
• Croaky voice, raised eyebrows/squinty eyes combo, and runny nose: extremely hot; apply gulp of cool drink and eat tortilla chips
• Croaky voice, raised eyebrows/squinty eyes combo, runny nose, and hiccups: off the hook hot; chug cool drink and chomp big handful of tortilla chips

"How did the contenders rank?" I hear you cry.

Well, they are arranged in the photo as they ranked, from right to left, hot to hottest. Melinda''s Chipotle Sauce won for the best combination of heat and flavor; Endorphin Rush Beyond Hot Sauce was the next best thing to fire. The also-rans were Heat - Chipotle Slam and Gecko Gary's Thai Juan On.

I defer to Joe's judgement. I didn't taste any of them.

Oh My Yummy!

Joe picked me up at work and off we went to celebrate our anniversary. We decided that we wanted to try someplace new, but I left the ultimate choice up to Joe.

Oh holy dear sweet Jesus, Joe chose very, very well indeed.

We dined at a swell little place called Grapeseed, a local wine bar and bistro. The menu is lovely, with every appetizer, entree, and dessert paired with a complimentary wine.

We were the first patrons to arrive -- we arrived even before that night's menus, which illustrates the changeable nature of the choices -- but everyone was lovely and the bartender seated us right away.

As we turned toward the table for two, I noticed this:

Yes. Joe had the local florist deliver these beauties to the restaurant, where they were waiting for me.

Almost as soon as we were seated, our waiter (Victor) brought over two complimentary flutes of champagne! Normally, champagne makes my face scrunch up, but this champagne was smooth and delightful. Delicious!

Now, I don't normally do food porn. I'm certainly not nearly as good at it as Chuck, who really knows his stuff and can describe excellent cuisine so well you can taste it. Moreover, I was stupid and didn't write down the descriptions of what I had, so beware. I really have no idea of why everything was so good and I certainly can't tell you what the sauces were or how the food was cooked or what some of the ingredients were, but I can show you pictures. So here goes.

For an appetizer, Joe and I shared these wonderful fried oysters (or ahrsters, if you're from the Eastern Shore). Not a trace of grease in the crispy cornmeal coating, and the little guys inside were like buttah. And! There were pieces of perfect bacon in the sauce!

Next, I had a really great grilled romaine salad. Victor described it as a "sort of Caesar salad", but it was much, much tastier than your garden-variety Caesar salad. The romaine was intact and very lightly grilled -- really a nifty idea. It also had peppadews and some sort of cheese, plus something crunchy. (See how eloquent I am at describing food preparation? God.)

Main course! Joe got the filet mignon, but I decided to be a little more adventurous. Lamb chops! Perfectly cooked, incredibly flavorful, with lovely little stuffed grape leaves and some orzo-y side dish. We chose to have the paired wine; mine was a Petit Syrah, which really was perfect with the lamb, deep and full-bodied. Added bonus: no hot flash!

Finally, dessert and coffee. The coffee was excellent, rich and black, with no need of sugar or cream. For my dessert, I chose the raspberry Napolean. It was constructed of oatmeal lace cookies, fresh raspberries, and creme fraiche. It was exactly sweet enough -- I had to resist licking the plate. Also sweet? Both desserts had cute little candles burning when they arrived, another nice congratulations from the staff.

Of course, I blew mine out before I took the picture. I clearly do not have the hang of food blogging.

Anyway, delicious, delicious, delicious -- a perfect meal for a happy anniversary.

Spodie-Odie

Ernest Gallo died today at age 97. Bless you and your brother Julio -- your wine got me through college.

Actually, E&J was the really high-class wine back in my indulgent days. The first wine I ever drank was Boone's Farm Apple Wine, mostly because it didn't taste like wine. Other kids in my circle preferred Lancer's, because it came in a cool pottery bottle, or Bali Hai, because it was even sweeter than Boone's Farm.

Of course, if we were really going all out, we chose Mateus Rose. Now that was really cool! And, the top of the bottle was the right size for a candle. The good old candle in a wine bottle -- just the right atmosphere for a night of wild abandon.

As I got older, though, my tastes did mature. In fact, this past weekend at 3tacon we visited two very nice wineries: Door Penisula Winery and Simon Creek Winery. I did most of my tasting at Simon Creek.

I loved their Door County Cherry Wine -- for once, a fruit wine wasn't tooth-grittingly sweet. We ended up buying four bottles: the Cherry, the American Merlot, the Peninsula Gold sherry, and the American Gewurztraminer (a lovely, sweetish white). Lance and Meredith, the vintners, were absolutely charming and made sure all of the freaks who invaded their peaceful vineyard were happy and wine-derful.

The Door Peninsula Winery had more of a commercial feeling, but was also very welcoming. I tried the Primitivo Ice Wine there. It was really sweet, like drinking very cold, liquid grapes. I think it would be good for sipping, but it definitely ain't for knockin' back. In any case, we figured that since we already shot our wine wad, we'd pass on these.

So yeah, wine. From Boone's Farm Apple to Simon Creek Cherry. Thanks, Ernest.

The Best Pumpkin Pie In The Whole Entire World

Ah! A Holidailies prompt I can really get behind!

Post a great holiday recipe and tell us why you like it so much.

I am posting my gramma's pumpkin pie recipe. I would post a picture of the actual index card with her actual handwriting on it, but my scanner is being recalcitrant and bratty and refusing to speak to my computer.

I love this pie. I have eaten this pie since I could eat pie. I think of my gramma every time I make it, even though I only make it twice a year -- Thanksgiving and Christmas. There's really no reason to not make it more, but for some reason I don't think of it. (Now that I think of it, I don't cook all that much, so maybe it's not all that surprising.)

My gramma was a great baker of pies. She always made her crust from scratch. I remember her sitting at the kitchen table, rolling out the dough, draping into a pie pan, and trimming off the excess with a fork. I loved eating the trimmings -- is that weird? She made apple, mince, blueberry, lemon meringue -- and pumpkin. I loved her pumpkin pie the best.

Over the years, both my older sister and I have laid claim to this recipe. She is a traditionalist and adheres to the letter of the recipe. Then again, she was in the convent for awhile. I, on the other hand, am more of a free spirit, and have made a few improvements to the recipe. Most notably, I have added a pinch of cloves to the mixture to pep up the taste a little. My sister considers this a sacrilege. Then again, my sister has never quite accepted the fact that I didn't take Joe's last name when we got married. She almost had a stroke the year I added some cardamom. (I have since decided that the cardamom was a little too much like gilding the lily. The cloves, however, have become an integral ingredient.)

But enough of the sibling rivalry! Without further ado, here's the recipe. It makes a shallow 9-inch pie or a deep 8-inch pie.

Mabel's Pumpkin Chiffon Pie

Ingredients, with commentary

• Pie crust (I use Pillsbury Ready Crust. My sister makes it from scratch, and I admit that it is better that way, but I cannot make pie crust to save my life. I have tried. Honest, I have.)
• 1 envelope Knox unflavored gelatin (I don't know why it has to be Knox. It probably doesn't.)
• 1/4 cup cold water
• 1 cup sugar (I have actually altered the sacred recipe and used that sugar/Splenda blend; it works fine.)
• 1/2 teaspoon of salt
• 1-1/4 cup pumpkin (Equates to a small can of Libby's pumpkin. Do not use pumpkin pie mix; use the straight pumpkin. Also, a big can makes two pies.)
• 1/2 cup milk (Whole, 2%, skim, whatever.)
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 teaspoon ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• Pinch of cloves (If you like a bland pie, omit the cloves. Go ahead. Be like my sister; see if I care.)

Method, with more commentary

1. Bake the pie crust and set it aside to cool. (It's best to do this before you start the cooking the filling, but I never seem to remember that. As long as it's done when the filling is done, it'll all work out, even if you take the crust out of oven and pour the filling right into it.)
2. Separate the eggs and plop the yolks in a biggish saucepan. (Put the egg whites in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and shove in the refrigerator for three months. Then throw them out. Or, put them aside until Step 9.)
3. Beat the yolks until they yell and promise to stop associating with the whites. Oh, okay, beat them until they are nice and frothy or until your hand gets tired.
4. Add the pumpkin, half the sugar, salt, spices, and milk.
5. Cook over medium heat, stirring stirring stirring, until the mixture gets really good and hot through and through and starts to fart. (By the way, my gramma's recipe does not say "starts to fart", just so you know. Her recipe says "Cook until thick in double boiler", but I have never used a double boiler and the mix has never gotten noticeably thicker, so I opted for cooking it until it farts. You will know it when it happens. Trust me on this.)
6. If you have an electric stove, take the saucepan off the heat. If you have a gas stove, turn off the burner. (Well, turn off the burner even if you have an electric stove, but don't leave the saucepan on it, because you don't want the filling to burn.)
7. Dissolve the gelatin in the cold water. (It won't dissolve totally, so don't get frustrated. Just mix it up good.)
8. Dump the gelatin/water mixture in the filling, along with the rest of the sugar. (If you like your pumpkin pie more savory and less sweet, forget about the rest of the sugar.)
9. Stir it up good. (If you really want to, you can beat up those egg whites you stuck in the refrigerator and fold them into the pumpkin stuff. I have never done this -- neither did my gramma -- so I can't say what will happen if you do. I suspect that's where the "Chiffon" in the title comes from, though.)
10. Pour the stuff into the pie crust. Spread the filling artfully around inside the crust. Or not.
11. Stick the pie in the refrigerator for at least an hour so that it will set.
12. Just before you serve it, whip a lot of cream. You must do this. It's easy, honest. Just buy some whipping cream at the store, dump it in a nice clean mixing bowl, and beat the hell out of it. It is so much better than Redi-Whip or Cool Whip. (I will excuse you only if you are lactose intolerant.)
13. Cut the pie into sixths, because you will want a big piece. Put a big glob of whipped cream on top. If you have more than six people, make another pie, dammit. Eighths are just too small. Besides, everyone will want seconds.

Better make two pies anyway, just to be on the safe side, and because a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream makes a great breakfast.

The New Blak

Yesterday I tried my first Coca-Cola Blak.

I read about it on another blog that I surfed to from the Holidailies, and of course I can't for the life of me remember which one it was. (But thanks to Annie in Austin, now I know!) So to the very nice and talented person who wrote that entry Cinemagypsy, thanks and my apologies for not taking notes.

Anyway.

Our cafeteria had it in stock. You don't get a lot in a bottle, just eight fluid ounces. The bottle is a throwback to the traditional glass Coke bottle, but it's covered with a skin-tight wrapper. Very moderne, quite chic and with it, as soda bottles go.

The tagline on the wrapper reads "Carbonated Fusion Beverage". Wow. A fusion beverage. Fusion? This must be quite the marketing hype, I thought to myself. I mean, fusion in a beverage? What, exactly, is being fused in the Coca-Cola Blak?

I'll tell you: it's Coke and coffee. Folks, I'll repeat that: Coke. And coffee. Fused. Along with high-fructose corn syrup and a few other scary sounding chemicals. How could I not like this? I mean, really -- Coke, my favorite soda in the whole entire world, and coffee, my favorite staple beverage in the whole entire world.

Here's what the official press release says:

"We believe we have created a new category of soft drink -- an adult product in a carbonated beverage -- and a whole new drinking experience. This brand is ideal for any part of the day when people are looking for renewed energy or simply to take a break," said Marc Mathieu, vice president, Global Core Brands, The Coca-Cola Company.

All right. Got that? A whole new drinking experience?

Not only that, it's only 45 calories, not bad for a non-diet soda. I took the first glug and immediately thought, "Oh, gross!" But right after that, I thought, "Well, maybe not... it's kind of... good."

I had the same reaction on the next glug, with less gross and more good. I thought, "It's a deeper flavor, like burnt caramel with fizziness? No, not nearly as icky as that. It's like... coffee... but not." I had to take another glug. Hmm. I found myself nodding, "Good. Okay, I think I like it." And after I knocked off the rest of it, I thought, "Why yes, it is a whole new drinking experience!"

Then I noticed that I was feeling quite peppy. Indeed, I was practically energetic! This stuff is better than Mulliner's Buck-U-Uppo! Woo! Look at me, I'm productive! Interactive PDF evaluation form, done! Edits to e-learning course, done! Emails, answered! Yowza!

Of course, the fact that the stuff is full of coffee extract and caffeine might have something to do with this.

I believe further research is warranted.

Breakfast at Cafe du Monde

Before:

Okay, I took one bite before I realized that I had to save this delicious sight for posterity. In any case...

After:

It's been an amazing day. More later, when I've thought about what I've seen.