Firsts

Dreams

Ronni Bennett, of the wonderful Time Goes By blog, asked:

What I am wondering is how you experience yourself in dreams. Are you ever older or younger or different in some ways from what you are when awake? Has that changed as you've gotten older?

Interesting question. I remember some of my dreams, both good and bad. I have recurring dreams - mostly where I'm trying to climb up or down staircases that become high and rickety, or where I have to make my way through corridors that get narrower and narrower, or where I'm trying to get to an important meeting or conference. I sometimes have what I call "visit" dreams, where I talk to Mom or Pop or friends who have passed from this plane of existence.

But through them all, I'm... just me. It's always been that way. I'm not younger or older or younger; I'm just me. I did have one at the beginning of my chemotherapy where I lost all my hair all at once - it came off like a wig - but I was still me.

Last night I had a nightmare. I have them rarely, thank God. This one had the same plot line as my other nightmares - something evil is coming for me and I am trying to escape.

This time, I was in some sort of show - a talent show or something - and somehow I made this character very angry. I realized that it wasn't human; no, it was some kind of evil imp or demon. It was like a cartoon character, jet black, almost two-dimensional, a shade; but very dangerous. It came after me.

I somehow eluded it and ran into a room. I slammed the door and leaned against it to prevent the imp from breaking through. I started screaming "I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm scared!"

Then I heard my name, the voice coming from far away, and I managed to launch myself out of the nightmare and open my eyes. Joe was awake, beside me, making sure I was okay. My heart was pounding, but I realized that it was only a nightmare and I was safe in bed. I breathed, and breathed, and finally calmed down.

I snuggled next to Joe and told him the dream, to make sure it would go away.

This morning he told me that I had been very restless, then I started moaning. He decided to wake me up when I said, "NO!" So he shook my shoulder and called my name.

And I am so glad he did.

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