I had a little bit of a tough time yesterday. I slept poorly, partly the result of a nagging, nasty backache that made turning over in bed a painful undertaking. I went through cycles of too hot, too cold, too hot, too cold.
And, I stayed up too late. I seem to think that staying up later means that I'll sleep better, maybe straight through for six hours. It never happens that way and I should know better.
Of course, when I do wake up in the middle of the night my brain immediately activates the stewing signal: "Is <insert ache/pain/lump> a sign that the lymphoma is going into high gear? Should I just shave my head now? What if the insurance doesn't pay up? Did I pay that bill? Maybe I should buy one of those newfangled deliver-in-a-big-box mattresses. That lymph node lump in my neck feels bigger. Is it bigger? Maybe it's not bigger. What about the other neck nodes?" So I feel up my neck, searching for lymph nodes, and then I turn on the TV, which pretty much always distracts my brain and lulls it back to sleep. The dream part then grabs some remnant of the applicable TV show and inserts it into whatever nocturnal adventure I'm experiencing at the moment.
For example, Top Gear reruns were on BBC America when I turned on the tube at 4:00 AM. It was a good one, too -- the boys take a car and turn it into the ideal vehicle for old folks, complete with wing chairs, antimacassers, a huge front bumper, and oversize side mirrors. I dozed right off. In the resulting dream, Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond were testing out the fancypants whiskey glasses that I got Joe for Christmas. My brother joined us and I introduced him, saying "My brother is a Corvette fan."
Then the alarm went off. Top Gear was over and Star Trek: Voyager was on. I'd forgotten that Chakotay was ... ROWR! In case you've forgotten:
When I got to work, I got an email about a company-sponsored blood drive coming soon. I thought about signing up; it's been a few months since I donated blood, and -- oh wait. Yeah, funny thing; having a blood cancer makes you ineligible to donate blood. Imagine that! It makes me a little sad. I've given gallons over the years.
Anyway, now it's Saturday. I slept pretty well last night, my back is better, and the Caps stomped the Blackhawks. So there you go; ebb and flow.