Red Nose

Welcome to 2010

New Year's Eve is upon, a damp, icy, messy night in my neck of the woods.

I think we will have another quiet evening, watching the Three Stooges marathon and cracking a little champagne at midnight.

I have had rowdier Eves, but I must say that I really do like the quiet ones. Perhaps if I let this year end peacefully, the new year will ease itself in and let me breathe easier.

I've just finished skimming my entries for the past year to refresh my memory. (At my age it needs constant refreshing.) I'm glad I did, for although I found plenty of depressing stuff I also found plenty of good stuff. I guess every year is like that, isn't it?

So let's all raise a glass to each other, give a wink and a nod and a smile, mourn those we've lost and hug those we have, and head into 2010 with open hearts and minds.

Thanks for hanging out with me. Happy New Year!

She Just Wants To Go Home

We went to visit Mom this afternoon. When we walked into her room, she was half out of the bed, her legs dangling over the side, her torso curved around as if she were trying to get up.

Which is exactly what she was doing.

She had pulled the oxygen tube off her head and the wee alarm box that's usually hooked up to her top was nowhere to be seen.

As soon as she saw us, she cried, "Oh thank God you're here! Now I can leave!"

"Mom! Were you trying to get out of bed?"

"Yes! We have to go!"

And then I spent the next 45 minutes explaining to her that no, she couldn't go, she was supposed to stay there, she was in her bed in her room at Brooke Grove, she was getting the care she needed.

She would have none of it. After another litany of "I can't stay here all night" and "Get me out of here" I finally said, "But Mom, you can't walk."

"Oh. I forgot about that."

Unfortunately, that moment of clarity didn't last long and we were right back into it. She didn't seem to understand that she was in the nursing home, that the people who kept walking past her door were nurses and aides, and that there were lots of other residents.

I kept repeating this over and over, looking her in the eyes, looking for some glimmer of comprehension, getting sadder by the minute.

And then some different random synapse in her brain fired and she said, "You've never had big boobs, have you?"

My head wanted to explode, but I managed to keep it together enough to say, "Nope, I've never had big boobs, Mom."

She continued, "Anne (my younger sister) has the big boobs. She's always had big boobs."

We talked a little more about my boobs (small) versus my sister's boobs (big). I thought maybe my boobs had successfully distracted her, but such was not the case and we climbed back on the "Take me home" carousel.

Finally I just had to pull my self together, give her a kiss, and say goodbye.

The pull of home is so strong for her. I suppose some folks might put a metaphysical spin on it and equate "home" with "heaven" or some such religious thing like going home to Jesus, but I think she just wants her life back and that desire is manifesting as this need to go home. Home is where she is in control, where she calls the shots, where she can pick up the phone and call her pals, cook a spaghetti casserole or a rare roast beef, watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "Golden Girls", and sleep in her own bed in her own room in her own home.

Oh, and remind me that I have small boobs.

Ten Things About Physical Therapy

I'm currently in the middle of a physical therapy stint for my achey shoulder. Here are ten things about that.

1. I rather like the arm bike. It looks quite innocuous, but it really warms a person up.

2. On the other hand, I do not like the stretchy bands.

3. Weights are okay. I use two-pound weights for some exercises, three-pound weights for another exercise, and five-pound weights for a third exercise.

4. My least favorite exercise involves a towel knotted at both ends. It's amazing that a simple towel can be such an instrument of torture.

5. I find it amusing that in this really large physical therapy area there is only one corner, and one side of that corner is a door to an office.

6. However, the stretch that I do in this corner (called, oddly enough, the "Corner Stretch") is not amusing in the least.

7. I am not real rigorous about the home exercises, although I know that I should be. I'm getting better at it, especially in corners.

8. I did a new exercise today that involved rolling a three-pound ball against a wall, clockwise and counterclockwise, in several different places. I kinda wanted to grab two more and juggle them, but I probably would have dropped them on my feet, and that would required more physical therapy.

9. The best part of each session is the ice and electrical stimulation. The therapist attaches these pads to my shoulder, then plops a big ol' bag of ice on top, then turns on the juice. It's very tingly!

10. Even though the physical therapy is helping, Naprosyn is still my new best friend.

Beware, Brother, Beware*

I have been very remiss in not announcing the latest winner of Two Pats On The Head. I have decided, because I get to, that there are two winners: the lovely and talented Green Tuna and the lovely and talented Fredlet both correctly identified "Whatever Lola Wants" as being from the musical Damn Yankees. Green Tuna was first from a blog comment standpoint, but Fredlet replied by email shortly after midnight. So two pats to both of them!

Now on to the entry!

We were coming home from the hockey game Saturday night. The Metro train was jam packed; Joe and I were up against the door, along with two sozzled hockey fans. Pretty soon Drunky McDrunkerson started bleating loudly, "Man, I really have to piss, man! Like I'm literally going to piss my pants, man! I'm gettin' off here so I can take a piss because my bladder is about to bust!"

His companion, Plastered McHammeredson, said "No man! Where are you gonna go? We only have a couple more stops! Hold it!"

A discussion ensued, with Drunky handing Plastered his car keys. "Here, just wait in the car. I'll meet you there. 'Cause I really gotta go, man!"

At this point I said "Could you turn the other way at least?"

He didn't hear me.

Or maybe he didn't quite comprehend what I was saying.

At any rate, the train stopped and he lurched off, followed by his fellow partier. Those of us in the immediate vicinity of Drunky the Mad Pisser breathed a little easier. I did worry, though, about the fact that this guy was going to be driving soon.

People. Please. Don't do that to yourselves. It never ends well, especially if my son on duty. In fact, when we want to determine whether we are sober enough to drive, we ask ourselves this question: If SonnyeBoy pulled us over, would we find ourselves in jail?

I'm not trying to lecture anybody, really I'm not. But with New Year's Eve coming up soon, it's worth thinking about. I could never understand it when an old friend would say, "I got so drunk last night that I puked over my balcony railing! It was so much fun!"

I'm sorry if I'm a wet blanket, but how is that fun? Personally, I have never found puking to be fun. Ever. Also, I rather like to remember what I did of an evening.

Okay, I'm stepping off the soapbox and stopping with the finger wagging. But just remember this:  if you drink and drive you could be helping SonnyeBoy win yet another award.

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*Two pats on head to the first person who can tell me what jump blues great wrote "Beware, Brother, Beware".

Church Street: Shri Mangal Mandir

Tucked away off the highway is a Hindu temple, the Shri Mangal Mandir, with its crown of golden flags. I love how it nestles into the surrounding trees and the street lamps frame the walkway up to the door. I also love this excerpt from the description of the Mandir:

A Mandir is like a power station that stores electricity and distributes it to public. It stores up divine power and makes it available for all who reside in the area in which it is situated.

That sounds good to me!

So Far, So Good

So far it's been a lovely holiday. I got some some great gifts (the best was having SonnyeBoy home for Christmas), ate some great food, and went to two great hockey games (so far). I did get a bit emotional on Christmas Eve when I visited Mom -- she was in fearful, lonesome mode so I had to divert her. But I was successful and was able to leave her feeling better.

I am amazed at how much the hockey games help me, especially when my Caps win. I can throw off all my cares and worries and just holler and cheer and clap and sing. I just let everything else go and exist right in the moment, watching the action on the ice. Thank you, Caps!

This week I have a lot to do. I have some STC bidniss to attend to, Mom's Medicaid documentation to rustle up, and some flood insurance to buy for the beach house. (We have it; the bank wants us to have MORE!) I'd like to do some cleaning too, but that? Can wait.

I mean, really -- why clean when I can watch Season 1 of both Friday Night Lights and True Blood and read Under the Dome? And, of course, go to another Caps game on Monday night!

Merry Christmas

Artificial tabletop tree: $4.99

Silver beads: $1.99

Red velvet bows: $1.99

Candy canes: $.99

Christmas with my family: well, you know.

Peaceful Eve

It's Christmas Eve. I'm all alone, watching the replay of last night's hockey game. Joe is at work; SonnyeBoy is on his way home (I hope). I went to Target earlier and bought a tiny artificial tree; it's sitting on the coffee table void of ornaments. (I can't find them!)

I feel calm -- a little sad, mostly happy. Content.

In a little while I'll go visit Mom. She got agitated and combative a few days ago, so the doctor put her on Haldol (a pretty strong anti-psychotic drug) to keep her from hurting herself. It has had the desired effect; now everything and everybody is wonderful! The food is delicious; the aides are her best friends. She loves the hospice chaplain and told her so. She tells everyone how much she loves them, strangers and family alike.

Haldol, what have you done with my mother?

I kid. Better this rosy view of the world than the fear she was experiencing. I'll kiss her, stroke her hair, and wish her a Merry Christmas. Then I'll pick up some wee ornaments at CVS to decorate our wee tree, hug on SonnyeBoy, and maybe try a new caramel recipe.

Later on we'll pick Joe up from Retail Hell and head to our traditional Christmas Eve feast at my sister's house. It will be strange to not have Mom there, but we'll celebrate nonetheless.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Holiday Doggerel

We don't have a tree; we don't have a wreath.

We've nothing to put the presents beneath.

Life's been hectic and I've been stressed

I think I've even been a little depressed.

But little by little, the chores get done,

The gifts get wrapped and the carols get sung.

My spirits are rising as I complete my labors.

Best of all, my Capitals beat the Sabres!

Lola's Christmas Meme

Brought to you by Sunday Stealing, but I saw it here first, via Holidailies. Yay Holidailies! And thank you, Lola, for originating the meme. I don't know Lola, but I'll bet whatever she wants, she gets.*

1. What is your favorite holiday show/animated show? 

It's a tie between A Christmas Story (You'll shoot your eye out!) and Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas (Fifty dollars! Lotta money!)

2. What holiday character do you think you're most like?

Ralphie's mom.

3. What holiday character does your spouse think you're most like?

Ralphie's teacher. (I admit that I am shaped more like Ralphie's teacher but Joe says it's because I appreciate a joke, like order, inspire my charges, and sometimes say "Oh, my God!".)

4. Favorite Christmas/holiday song?

A three-way tie: Adeste Fideles (that's O Come, All Ye Faithful in Latin), Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella, and the Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah.

5. Most hated Christmas/holiday song?

The Little Drummer Boy. Pa-rum-pum-pum-poop.

6. If you have an all holiday music radio station when do you start listening to it?

We don't actually have an all holiday radio station, but the classical music station (WETA) starts playing classical holiday music after Thanksgiving.

7. If you have an all holiday music radio station do you love it or hate it?

I love it, because the arrangements are beautiful. I love the old-fashioned carols.

8. Have you ever wrapped yourself as a Christmas present?

Oh God no! I'd go broke paying for the paper!

9. Who is Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer's father?

Well, that's a mystery, but given the red nose, I'd bet he was an Irish reindeer. Ba-da-BING!

10. Do you drive your neighborhood or one near you at night to look at other people's holiday decorations?

Yes. I can't miss at least one yearly viewing of The Bishop's House.

11. When you see a heavily decorated house do you think, 'oh that's lovely'? Or do you think, 'oh criminy, that looks like Christmas threw up all over their lawn'?

Something in between. It depends on the house!

12. Are you counting the days to Christmas with excited anticipation or dread?

Relief, I guess.

13. When was the last time you had your photo taken with Santa? Did you sit on his lap?

I think it was probably 1978. I was doing a clown gig at a local mall (the first and last time I ever did a clown gig at a local mall) and I made friends with the Santa. Here's the evidence!

14. Do you make a Christmas list for your spouse or significant other or do you rely on them to pick your gift(s) without a clue from you?

A little bit of both. We update our Amazon wish lists, circle things in catalogs, and drop hints, but we also manage a few surprises.

15. When do you put up your tree?

Usually before now! We haven't even gotten our tree yet. We may not -- it depends on how energetic I feel. Also, the tree stand is still buried under a foot of snow.

16. Real or fake?

Real, if possible.

17. When do you take your tree down?

New Year's Day.

18. Do you shop the day after Christmas sales? What do you shop for?

Oh HELL no!

19. Is your work/office having a holiday party this year? Will you attend?

My group had a holiday breakfast. The company, by overwhelming vote of the employees, donates the money they would have spent on a party to charity.

20. Do you have your New Year's Eve Plans set yet?

Nope. We will probably chill out at home with a bottle of champagne, and that's just fine with me.

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*Two pats on the head to the first person who can name the musical associated with the song, Whatever Lola Wants.