Red Nose

Mirror, Mirror...

I've spent a little while in last week or so catching up with Friday Night Lights, my current favorite TV show. For those of you don't know this show, it's a show about high school football in a small Texas town.

Except... not really. I mean, football -- especially the high school variety and especially the small-town Texas variety -- is the center around which the story is woven.

I love the writing this season. And the actors are amazing, even the young ones. The way they breathe life into the characters is just right, especially in the little scenes that almost seem like throwaways.

Here's the scene that totally got to me in the latest episode.

Julie, the coach's daughter, gets back together with her first boyfriend, Matt, who has just been demoted from starting quarterback to backup quarterback. They go to the lake to spend the day. They have both been tentative about getting back together. As they sit beside the lake in front of a fire with the evening coming on, they finally surrender to each other.

Cut to next morning. Matt drops Julie off at her house. She goes into the bathroom and...

She stares at herself in the mirror. Just stares; then smiles, and her eyes go soft. She lingers for just a few seconds, looking at her changed self, and then the scene changes and the show continues. It's really a lovely little moment.

So, I hear you cry, why did that scene affect you so?

Well, I'll tell you.

That scene brought a shock of recognition for me. I clearly remember, as if it was last night, looking at my 18-year old self in the mirror the morning after I lost -- okay, "gave away" is a more accurate phrase -- my virginity. It's like I wanted to see if "it" showed; if it was obvious. I needed to look into my own eyes and see -- if I regretted it? I really don't know. But I remember thinking, "Well, you're not a virgin anymore!" Happily, I was able to smile, too.

What's really interesting to me is that as I scanned the FNL forums on TWOP, a fair number of posts said exactly the same thing: that girls always look in the mirror after they first have sex. I wonder, though, if it's limited to girls.

So I ask you: Did you look in the mirror?

Ten Idle Thoughts

1.  Goddamn Flyers.

2. I was catching up on Buckles' Blog (a very cool circus history blog) and got three stabs from the past. One was my pal Janice Aria, another was a guy who was the canvas boss on one of my old shows (no, not that canvas boss), and the third was a former clown partner who now is the Technical Director for O in Las Vegas. I toyed with the idea of getting in touch with the canvas boss and clown, but decided that it was too weird. I didn't know either of them very well and it's entirely likely that neither of them would remember me. That would be kind of embarrassing, wouldn't it? Maybe I'll change my mind.

3. The previous exercise led me to google another long-ago friend. I found her, but I won't rouse that particular sleeping dog. I'm glad to know she's doing well, though.

4. Drunken frat boys who holler obscenities are just as obnoxious as kids who keep leaving during play.

5. Formatting 125 PowerPoint slides can be kind of relaxing. Also, boring.

6. Goddamn Flyers.

7. Reed's Ginger Beer has a nice bite to it. Very refreshing!

8. Tilda Swinton: Vampire? Or just a whiter shade of pale?

9. Lent starts tomorrow. Hmm. I shall have to consider a sacrifice for the season.

10. Time to watch Letterman through my eyelids. Good night.

It Was The Best Of Games; It Was The Worst Of Games

So.

Friday night, the Capitals played the Colorado Avalanche, a team with a very bad record. Joe and I were looking forward to having a really fun evening, especially since the great game on Wednesday.

Alas, it was not to be, and not just because the Caps laid down on the ice and let the Avs skate all over them and lost 4-1. It was also because I kind of got into a battle of words with some drunken asshole who was there with a whole gaggle of kids.

Let me explain something for the non-hockey aficionados. There's a fan rule in hockey: "When the puck is in play, stay out of the way!" In other words, when the game is on, you don't get up and leave your seat or come back to your seat. You wait until play stops, so that you don't inconvenience other fans by making them get up and/or by blocking the view of the game. This rule is even announced before every period before and during the game.

Okay? Okay. Now, I like kids. I really do. I've even raised one, pretty damn successfully if I do say so myself. We have had kids sit next to us many times over the course of the season. There is a sweet little girl who sits in front of us with her folks; I adore her. Throughout the year, the parents who have shepherded the various clots of children have been very good at riding herd on them and ensuring that they followed the rule and didn't annoy the rest of the crowd.

Not this time. We sit two seats in from the aisle, which is on my right. Four boys -- probably around 9 -- sat next to me, on my left. They were part of a big group that took up several seats in several rows. They arrived in the middle of the first period and climbed over us into their seats. Then they all left to get snacks. Then they all came back, but not at the same time. Then they all left during intermission to get souvenirs, and got back after the period started. At the end of the second period, with 30 seconds left and DURING PLAY, they all tried to leave again. I woofed a little at them, telling them to please wait until the end of the period. They did, but they weren't very happy.

And then! They all did it AGAIN during the third period, AGAIN while play was on. And I woofed again, saying "Wait 'til play stops!" Well, evidently I pissed off one of the Dads, who was waiting on the steps for them.

"Hey! They paid for their tickets, just like you!"

(Um, really? Actually, I kind of think that someone else paid for their tickets, you know? Unless 9-year old boys have lots of money lately.)

And I stupidly -- yes, I admit it; stupidly -- hollered back.

"They need to wait until play stops!"

"It is stopped!" (Well yeah, at that point, play had stopped. Details, details.)

"Not when they got up!"

"When you gotta go, you gotta go!"

"They've gone a zillion times!!"

"Yeah well they paid for their tickets!" (Again, no. They did not. Their parents did.)

At this point I pulled out a real zinger. Let me tell you, this crack was one of my best.

"Oh, shut up!"

Okay, so I am not that great at zingers. But he then really bested me:

"No, you shut up!"

At which point the fella sitting next to Joe, who had been cool and friendly, yells at the asshole Dad:

"Great response, dude!"

Anyway, the kids got out and Dad took them down -- I have a feeling it was really Dad who had to "go" -- and when they came back (again with snacks!) none of us said anything.

The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. I don't like being an asshole and I try hard not to be. But sometimes I just am, I guess.

Anyway. Cut to today's game, against the Pittsburgh Penguins, a most hated rival of the Capitals. We took our seats, and I noticed that the fans in back of us and the fans beside us were all grown ups! YAY! And they were all Caps fans! YAY YAY!

Our pal who sits in front of us (the Dad of Little Miss Adorable) came up to take seat, grinned at me, and said, "Who are you gonna fight today?"

I had to laugh. It put the whole thing into perspective. Another guy sat right next to Joe with a kid, who was just great. This kid had a blast and was also very well behaved.

Of course, the fact that we beat the Penguins 5-2 was nice, too.

Very, very nice.

I Made My Deadline Love List

I just sent a big project off for review, so I'm feeling free! At least as free as you can feel when you know that the excrement will surely hit the propeller on Monday, when I have to turn my attention to another MUST DO NOW project.

As we used to say in the circus, "It's a hell of a life!"

Anyway, it's Friday and I'm feeling like a Love List.

• First and foremost, watch this unbelievably sick goal by the Great 8, Alex Ovechkin. I love that we saw this live on Wednesday night. We sit high above the arena, just to the left of the net, and saw the puck go in. The place went nuts!

• I love that I am finally feeling better. I have been tamping down on my caffeine and salt consumption, which is not easy for me wah wah wah, and I think it just might be making a difference. Or it could just be a placebo effect. I don't care; it seems to be working.

• I love Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer tea. It has replaced my evening cup of coffee.

• I love Joe. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

• I love love love Friday Night Lights. The storylines are much improved from last season and the acting is amazing, especially the kid who play Matt Saracen. I have been missing it on Friday nights lately, so...

• I love On Demand.

• I love my new Dell Mini-9. I'm still working out a few glitches to do with the wireless (and it's on my network end, not the Mini's) and I'm getting used to the placement of a couple keys on the tiny little wee keyboard, but I adore the fact that it came equipped with Minesweeper, FreeCell, and (AND!) Mah Jong.

• And it fits IN MY PURSE!

• I love that, because of the wealth of games on the Mini, I have finally torn myself away from Snood.

And now it is almost time to lock up the laptop, turn off the light, and head for the Metro. Why? Another hockey game, of course!

The Day Rex Blew The Show

Those of you who have read The Book may remember the scene where the lion bites the trainer during the show.

It really happened.

The show was playing Anniston, Alabama, on a rotten lot overrun with tall weeds. Because the steel cage took time to set up, the lion act went first. They appeared in the center ring. It also took time to tear down, which is why the clowns went next, in the other two rings. As the trainer did the act, his Lovely Assistant and Girlfriend sat outside the cage, ready to help if something went wrong.

Nothing ever did. The lions were mostly older females who had been doing the act for years. Occasionally they'd swat at the whip or growl lazily, but they always did the act. They sat up, rolled over, jumped through the flaming hoop. However, there was one young lion, a male with a big, impressive ruff, who was a little less cooperative.

This one day, Rex was feeling particularly wrangy. As the trainer turned to grab a prop, Rex jumped off his perch and strode toward the front of the cage. The trainer snapped the whip; Rex kept coming. The trainer grabbed the chair and stuck it in Rex's face; Rex swatted it away with his huge paw and kept coming, roaring with displeasure.

At this point the trainer tried to get out of the cage, but his girlfriend was blocking the door, frozen in fear.

I was standing just outside of Ring 1, transfixed. All I knew was that something wasn't right, but I didn't realize just how wrong things really were until the trainer started to climb the cage to get away from Rex.

Rex didn't even have to stretch. He lifted his head, opened his mouth, and bit down on the trainer's butt.
One second later, someone – one of the prop guys, I think – fired a fire extinguisher into Rex's face, forcing him back. The trainer lost his grip on the cage and fell back. Someone got the door open and managed to get the lions to retreat into the tunnel that led to their cages while a couple other guys got the trainer out.

At this point the audience started to panic and rush out of the tent. The ringmaster took control. He grabbed the microphone and ordered the audience to calm down, the lions were not loose and couldn't get loose, that the trainer was fine, please keep your seats, ladies and gentlemen, please keep your seats!

Then he announced us.

Yes, he sent in the clowns.

I snapped out of it, shaking off my horror and slipping into character. My partner and I performed our gag as we always did, fake slaps and falls, mugging for the audience, making them laugh while the trainer was bleeding in the backyard waiting for the ambulance to take him to the hospital.

Hat Tricks and Silly Flicks

Thanks for all your comments, notes, and good thoughts on the whole dizziness deal. I've had a couple of nasty spells this weekend, but I was able to grab on to my sister in one case and Joe in the other. Today was much better as far as symptoms go, though. If tomorrow is a little better still, and the next day a little better than that, I'll be happy.

It was a great weekend for my Capitals though! A stellar win over the Lightning on Saturday night, featuring Greener shattering an NHL record, and a gut-check win over the Panthers on Sunday evening, featuring another Ovie hat trick. (Yes, the third goal was an empty net goal. I do not care.)

I had the day off today, so Joe and I celebrated the births of two of the countries greatest presidents by seeing Paul Blart, Mall Cop.

Fat guy on a Segway -- now that's comedy gold!

Actually, I liked it. It was silly and sweet and did not contain any poop jokes. Stomach growling jokes, yes, but no poop jokes. I like that in a comedy.

The Test Redux

I had my second ENG today. Unlike the last time, however, this time the tests showed some signs of benign positional vertigo. The audiologist performed the Epley maneuver on me -- a little differently than I did it on myself, imagine that -- and gave me a list of instructions to follow for the next week to help ensure that it takes.

Things like:

• Sleeping in a semi-reclining position for the next two days -- not so bad
• Washing my hair only in the shower -- I do that anyway
• No going to the hairdresser or dentist -- no problem
• No exercise requiring head movement -- oh damn! (Heh.)
• Not looking up or down -- okey dokey then.

Oddly enough (or maybe not), I felt a bit better this afternoon. I still have the tinnitus and some other indications of Meniere's, so I don't think I'm completely out of the woods. In fact, I had a pretty nasty dizzy spell in the elevator on my way into the doctor's office this morning.

So I still have to get a brain MRI (oh goody!) and then follow up with the doc, but at least I feel that something got fixed.

I hope.

S Times Ten

The lovely and talented Kristen gave me an S.

See, there's this alphabet meme going around, where you get a letter from a previous meme-er. Then you write about 10 things that begin with that letter that mean something to you. Kristin had Letter A, and she gave me Letter S.

So! Here we go.

Spiders and snakes - are two animals that scare me. Snakes slither and spiders sneak and both of them can kill you. I know, I know; not all of them are venomous. I don't care – they are still scary and I do not like them.

Slapshot – is the eagle mascot of the Washington Capitals, a great hockey movie starring Paul Newman, and a type of shot in the sport of hockey. The mascot is a lot of fun; he delivers burritos to the crowd, slings t-shirts around, and referees the Mites on Ice. The movie is terrific – I love the scene where the mild and nerdy-looking Hanson brothers deliver a thunderous check on their opponent, but my favorite scene is the one where Paul Newman, as Reggie Dunlop, rattles the opposing team's goalie by yelling some very mean things about the goalie's wife. Delicacy prevents me from typing the exact quote, but if you've seen the movie you know exactly what I'm talking about!

Silly – I love being silly.  It's much more fun than being serious. Silly frees your mind and releases your soul. It also lowers your blood pressure, prevents acne, and cures hammertoes. What, you didn't know?

Sunnyside Up – a very good way to eat fried eggs, though I actually prefer mine over easy.

Supersede – this is the correct to spell the word. There is no “c” in “supersede.” There, I have just given you a very easy way to remember how to spell “supersede.”

Summertime – is my second favorite season. I love warm days at the beach, full of sunshine, the ocean rolling in and out. However, I hate the humidity. And the mosquitoes. Sometimes I feel like it's nature's  way of reminding us that only God is perfect.

Springtime – is my favorite season. It is full of promise and flowers and beautiful colors. The air becomes softer and breathing is easier. Coats get put away; days get longer. Life is good again, for the two or three weeks of springtime in DC. Then it gets hot and you have to go to the beach, so that's okay too, I guess.

SNAFU - my favorite acronym! It means, in case you didn't know, "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up." It has two siblings: TARFU (Things Are Really Fucked Up) and FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition). 

Spun Sugar - otherwise known as cotton candy, otherwise known as floss. Yummy. When I was little, one of my favorite treats was getting cotton candy at the beach, because you could watch it being made. The spinner poured some colored sugar into a tube and then... magic! The strands would appear around the cylinder and the spinner twirled the paper cone around those sweet strands until the big puff was ready. It melted in your mouth. And on your hands. And in your hair. And everywhere!

Sleepy - is what I've been feeling a lot lately. I rather like it, especially when I can cuddle up in my bed and take advantage of it!

Would you like a letter? Let me know in the comments and I'll send one along.

My Roman Holiday

The lovely and talented Nichol asked about Item 8 in the Random Things list.

Yes, it's true! Let me elaborate.

When I was 15, I went on a trip to France with several other girls from my class. Our French teacher, Miss Lewis, was our chaperone. It was a six-week study tour; we spent three weeks just outside of Paris (Orsay, actually) and three weeks in Juan-les-Pins, on the French Riviera.

We were part of a much larger group, perhaps a dozen or so small chaperoned groups like ours, both boys and girls. We spent the mornings in French class and the afternoons touring.

It was great, of course -- especially the weekend we went to Rome with Miss Lewis.

Miss Lewis was 26, impossibly fashionable and sophisticated. She was fluent in French, having studied at the Sorbonne, and -- the important part -- she had a Roman boyfriend, named Mario. She arranged this little side trip so that she could spend the weekend with him. She booked us rooms at a little hotel, the Albergo Cesari, and proceeded to let us wander all over the ancient city while she wandered all over Mario.

She kept an eye on us, though. We had a group tour of the Vatican and the Roman Forum, the Trevi Fountain and the Pantheon and the Catacombs. In the evening, she arranged for Mario to gather his buddies to help entertain us.

That's how I met Luigi. I don't really remember that much about him, other than that he was handsome and seemed extremely worldly to me. He was older than I, probably as old as 20! I do remember a party in an apartment, where I finally succumbed to Luigi's overtures and we necked for what seemed like hours.

It probably wasn't nearly that long, and it never went past kissing (because I wouldn't let it, silly Catholic girl that I was). We parted with promises of undying love, or at least undying like. We wrote to each other for a couple of months before it just sort of fizzled out naturally.

And yes, that's where I first tasted espresso. Now that was a love affair that lasted!

I Have To Have My Head Examined

Last Thursday I went to lunch with a few of my coworkers. It was pretty damn cold. A stiff wind was blowing in our faces as we walked up Wisconsin Avenue to the restaurant. Right in the middle of crossing Nebraska Avenue, the wind got under my hat and into my ear, and the world suddenly took off like a whirlpool around me.

 

I took a couple of big stumbley steps trying to regain my equilibrium, then realized that I was about to go down in a heap. I clutched at the nearest straw, which happened to be a coworker's shoulder.

 

"I'm sorry, I have to hold on to you for a minute!" I gasped.

 

God bless my coworkers. They rallied round and I got to the sidewalk, where I hung on to a light pole until the world stopped spinning. Luckily, I was able to continue to the restaurant, enjoy my lunch, and walk back to the office with no further problems.

 

But talk about a wake-up call! I called the otolaryngologist right away, and got an appointment for Friday afternoon. 

 

After listening to my symptoms, old and new, he thinks that I have more than the benign positional vertigo he diagnosed me with earlier. Now he thinks that I might have Meniere's Disease. That could explain why the Epley didn't work.

 

However, to rule out worse stuff, like brain tumors or MS, he wants me to have a brain MRI and a balance test called an ENG. I had this once before and I'm not particularly looking forward to it, but if it nails down the diagnosis, then great.

 

Unfortunately, there's no treatment, aside from abstinence from caffeine, alcohol, salt, and stress. Yay --all my favorite things! Well, except maybe for the stress.