The Land of the Free Must Be To The Left
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Yeah, I Could Do That

I have decided that I really want to be a member of the idle rich.

I have not come to this decision lightly; no, I have given it a lot of thought and I have realized that I have all of the qualifications, to wit:

  • I enjoy sitting on my ass.
  • I am quite willing to let other people shampoo my hair, massage my back, and scrape the calluses off my feet.
  • I float on rafts really well, especially if there is a cold sparkling beverage in my hand.
  • I look great in big sunglasses.
  • And expensive clothes.
  • I could get used to being driven around in a big comfortable car quite easily.
  • Or sedan chair, upholstered in silk with big poofy pillows.
  • I am quite capable of telling other people how to clean my spacious house that is full of the Latest Things.
  • Gourmet food? Love it. No problems there, especially since someone else would cook it for me, unless I wanted to make a BLT for myself.
  • With artisan bacon and excellent bread and fabulous homegrown tomatoes.
  • Grown in my extensive organic vegetable garden by my hot gardener.
  • Which is behind the Olympic pool and hot tub.
  • Next to the cabana.
  • Which is maintained by the cabana boy(s).
  • Anyway! I'm highly skilled at delegating and critiquing and demanding (but in a nice way), especially if it means that I don't have to do any of it, which seems to be main requirement for being idly rich.

Now I just need to figure out how to join...

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